for the loved ones you miss
and the memories you've made
when there seems to be no end in sight...
Never Stop Fighting
when your dreams seem to big
for the life that you have
and you just know that there's no point in trying...
Never Stop Fighting
at the end of the day
when you just want to give up
and take the easy way out...
Never Stop Fighting
after all is said and done
and you have nothing to show for your work
and the rage is about to consume you...
Never Stop Fighting
when emotions are things of the past
you feel no joy, pain, sadness, or hope
and your prayers seem to fall on deaf ears...
Never Stop Fighting
when they tell you all sorts of lies
your not fast enough, pretty enough, smart enough
and you feel deep down that they may be right...
Never Stop Fighting
if for no other reason
than to spit in the face of the devil
and to deprive him of satisfaction...
Never Stop Fighting
for the ones that Fight for you
day in and day out
and who love you more than you'll ever know...
Never Stop Fighting
why should you care?
because there's so much beauty out there
and you'll miss so much unless you...
Never Stop Fighting
the world is your oyster
the world awaits your resilient will
the world will only meet its full potential if you...
Never Stop Fighting
Never Stop Fighting depression
Never Stop Fighting anger
Never Stop Fighting injustice
Never Stop Fighting all the fatigue life brings
when the forces of darkness try to crush you
you bring the Fight to them
and stand with those who tell you to...
Never Stop Fighting
Fight tooth and nail
Fight until it hurts
Fight because you want to be Free
Free from depression
Free from anger
Free from injustice
Free from all the fatigue life brings
for all peoples fight to be Free
Freedom from whatever shackles hold us back
from out true potential
when we're Free we can Fight
and when we Fight we'll be Free
so to truly enjoy all of life's Freedoms you must...
Never Stop Fighting
***
"Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you." Luke 10:19
"Never stop. Never stop fighting. Never stop dreaming." Tom Hiddleston
"Make it stop, Let this end, This life chose me, I'm not lost in sin, But proud I stand of who I am, I plan to go on living." Make it Stop (September's Children), by Rise Against
"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle your ever going to fight. Never stop fighting." E. E. Cummings
Dedicated to all those who feel depressed, anxious, lost, angry (righteously or otherwise), unworthy, unloved, abused, broken, or abandoned. God loves you and so do I. Never Stop Fighting.
So, you're starting school in a few days, huh? Isn't that the worst? All summer you're bored out of your skull, and then when school comes along, you remember all of the amazing things you were going to do with your summer. And then school just seems like the worst possible thing that could happen to you.
There's a million different life "survival guides" out there. High school "survival guides", dating "survival guides", college "survival guides", parenting "survival guides" and the list goes on.
This article is not a survival guide for high school. I want to be clear about that. The fact is, you will survive high school. High school will not be the death of you. It will, at times, be frustrating, depressing, and insanely difficult, but it will not kill you. In fact, it will probably be the easiest and most fun four years of your life.
image: fanpop.com
No, I'm serious! School is awesome! Settle down!
I know I'm not exactly filled with years and years of wisdom. I haven't even started college yet! But I am fresh out of high school. A week ago, I went back to my high school for a church event that was being held in the auditorium. It was the the first time I'd been back since the day before I graduated.
I walked the halls alone. It was quiet. It was lonely. I cried.
So many memories flooded my brain. The person I am now was formed and molded inside that building, and now it's just a building that other kids have school at. I won't be able to go back and learn more life lessons from friends or teachers. No longer will I form stronger friendships while chatting with people in the halls or at lunch. That stage has ended, so when I went back to my old high school, I began experiencing Lasts. Again. I had thought for sure I was done with that, but...oh well.
I decided that I wanted other people to go through what I was going through. Not in the sense that I want them to be sad, but I wanted other people to have such a good time in high school that if they ever return to the building when they graduate, they will have to fight back tears when all the positive memories hit them.
So, here is a list of tips for getting the most out of your high school experience. Not all of them are necessarily enjoyable, but they will help you learn and become a better person. And if you learn only one thing, let it be this: High school will not kill you.
image: highschoogle.com
High school sports, on the other hand...
(Also, just a heads up...I am a boy. I am going to write this as though only to boys, because that is all I have experienced in my life. My experiences in high school were those of a boy, because I have always been a boy. However, girls can learn from this as well. Just try to switch the gender pronouns where possible.) 1. Be friendly to everyone.
This will be hard. Trust me, it will. There are some people out there who, for whatever reason, will not have any interest in getting to know you. And that's okay.
Why is this okay? Because you don't have to be friends with everyone; you just need to be nice. The easiest way to get friends is to be friendly with strangers, and if they return the friendliness, then viola! Friendship possibilities open up.
Whether you care about being popular or not, in general life will be much easier when people are nice to you. You don't have to worry about having "enemies", there will be less drama in your friend group, and you won't have to endure any awkward classes with that one kid you called a mean name behind their back one time and they heard about it and now they and their friends hate you and sit right across from you and stare at you and whisper things and then giggle. That won't happen.
image: 123rf.com
"Sooo, Suzie, when I said that you were a dumb because you're blonde, what I meant to say was..." "Hey, Rick? Don't talk to me. We're not friends anymore."
As I said before, there will be people who don't like you. And that's okay. They're idiots, because you are awesome and they are missing out on a cool friendship.
2. Do your homework, but don't obsess over it.
I was terrible at science or math. Both subjects I find absolutely fascinating in theory, but in practice, they suck. Hard. Geometry and biology specifically, because of all the theorems and definitions you have to memorize. I suck at memorizing, and biology isn't fun until you get to cut open dead things.
Because of my lack of interest or skill in either area, I would end up not doing my homework. I would open my binder/folder/book I had crammed homework sheets into, and stare at it for a few minutes. I would try reeeeeeeally hard for about 4 minutes, and then say, "Eh, good enough."
DO NOT DO THIS. Teachers do not appreciate lazy students. A teacher will be much more inclined to take an interest in you and how you're doing if you apply yourself. If you just naturally suck at the class, with a little hard work and some help from the teacher, you can probably pull off a solid C.
There are no high school classes (with the exception of Calculus or Physics, which I never took, but I hear they're totes ridiculous) that should be failable if you simply try your hardest and do the work. So what if you got a D on the homework? Ask for extra credit from the teacher, or if that's not an option, ask for a redo.
Also, study hard. If you don't know your stuff, your going to fail for sure. I hated studying, and almost never did it, but when I did, it helped. And by the way, skimming the bold words in your textbook during the passing period before the quiz does not count as studying. Click here to learn how to study from world renowned studying masters, the Scientologists (it was one of the sponsored links when I Googled "Study Techniques).
image: telegraph.co.uk
They'll teach you their study techniques for the small fee of 1 million U.S. dollars, and your firstborn child.
On the flip-side of this, don't becomeso consumed with your schoolwork that you forget to enjoy your free time. Even if your one of those kids who is banking on a ton of scholarships to get into college, you can still dip into your Sunday afternoon study hours every now and then to hang out with friends.
Never again in your life will you have such easy access to new friends and so much time on your hands (well, maybe in a nursing home, but then you won't have the energy or physical ability to go on wacky adventures), so use it. Good grades are important, but in my opinion, making memories and making friends trumps homework any day.
Teachers and parents will not like me for saying this, but if you have to choose between doing a worksheet and going out with your newly met friends on a beautiful fall day and running around in the park and then going over to one of their houses and having a bonfire and staying up till midnight playing on guitars and singing and telling stories and in general having a blast...take the F on that assignment.
You don't usually have to do that though. You can rush the assignment and get a passing grade on it. You could definitely do part of it. What matters is that you learn the material as well as you need to, not that the system is able to keep track of how they feel you measure up to whatever trivial and insubstantial criteria they have set in place to justify their existence.
Last bit of advice in this section: A 50%, while still an F, is far better than a 0%. Don't just not do stuff because you think you're going to fail anyway, or because you have other stuff you want to do. Do as much as you can, without compromising what you think is really most important in your life.
However, balancing your time for both school work and time with friends can be difficult sometimes, which is why this next one is important...
3. Delay getting a job (unless you absolutely have to have one).
"WHAT??? DELAY GETTING A JOB??? BUT I NEED THAT MONEY FOR COLLEGE, OR FOR GAS MONEY, OR FOR DATE MONEY, OR...."
Okay then, jeez! Then get a job. But trust me, a Freshmen in high school does not need a job. Most don't have one, but those that do are going to lose out on one of the last truly easy years of their life. I also don't think sophomores need a job, but if you think you definitely do, then get one with few hours and a flexible schedule.
Freshmen and Sophomore year, school is your job. Do your schoolwork, and in your free time, be with friends. You don't want to miss out on going to the homecoming game and sitting by a super cute girl and really hitting it off because you have to close at your work.
I didn't get a job until I was out of high school. Yes, I did have it kind of easy; I had an allowance until I was 18. I got by with small amounts of cash, and a lot of mooching off of friends. Was that ideal? Not really. Nobody likes a mooch.
I would suggest getting a job in the summer after your Junior year, or late in your Junior year. Summers are a wonderful thing, and once you get a job, they are over. Forever. Once you have a job, if you ever spend an entire summer unemployed (and you're not a teacher), people will see you as lazy. So think very, very carefully about when you'll get a job.
image: images.businessweek.com
Or maybe, if you're lucky, the economy will get so bad that you won't even have to bother with that kind of thing anymore.
And plan ahead. If you know you're not going to get a job for another few years, you can plan other things during the summer, like volunteering at a summer camp or going on a camping trip with some of your good friends. However, many summer fun activities require traveling over distances that you do not want to walk, which is why I suggest that you...
4. Get your license as early as humanly possible.
Seriously. This is huge. Getting your license will open up so many possibilities for you. You don't even have to own a car. If your family only has one car, it is still worth it to have your license, because every once in awhile, you may get to drive it.
I do not have my license as of the time I am writing this, and that is one of my greatest sources of shame. I was lazy and took forever to get my permit, and when I finally got it, I never practiced driving, and failed the test multiple times. Now that I have a job (which I bus to every day, taking 45 extra minutes) I don't have time to schedule a license test. And it will only get harder as time goes by.
This is no bueno. My situation is mucho suckisho. Having a license is kinda necessary for social things, especially if your like me and nearly all your friends live at least 20 minutes from you on the highway.
image: more.com
"They said the movie starts in 2 hours, so if I sprint slightly faster than Usain Bolt the rest of the way, I should get there...two hours after it finishes. Damn. I need a license."
Life is obviously doable without a license, but it is much more awkward. There really isn't a good excuse for not having it past the age of 17, short of being blind or not having hands/feet. Or if you live in places like New York City.
*(In episode two of Ultimate Spider-Man {the cartoon, not the comics}, he gets a Spider-Motorcycle from SHIELD, and has no idea how to drive it. Nick Fury is surprised he doesn't know how to drive, and he's all, "Bro, why would I need to drive? I live in New York! Plus, I'm Spider-Man!" That's how I know you don't need a license in New York City.)
image: thetoyverse.com
I'm not the best at staying on subject. But look! Spider-Man on a motorcycle!!!
Sorry.
From what I hear, the only downside of having a license is that losers like me ask you for rides all the time. But at least you get to hang out with people! Don't let yourself become the taxi service, though. Unless you offer to drive someone somewhere ahead of time, they are not entitled to your time and gas money. However, don't be rude and tell them to catch a bus if they have no other option. Remember lesson 1.
Remember, I don't have my license yet; this is all my opinion. This is how I think I will behave when I get my license.
Also, guys: Do not ask a girl out if you cannot drive her from her house if necessary. Seriously. It isn't cool. I've done it, and it's super humiliating. Yeah, I paid for movie tickets and stuff, but it is so awkward when the girl has to drop you off at home afterwards. That is a big nope.
That's why, as a matter of personal pride, I refuse to ask anyone out again until I have my license. Ideally, the guy drives to the girls house, gets out of the car and rings the doorbell, even if that means talking awkwardly with the family while the girl gets ready. Actually, no, make that especially if it means talking awkwardly with the family while the girl gets ready. That should have to happen occasionally.
And while we're on the topic of dating...
5. Don't date until at least your Junior year (and even then, it's ill advised).
High school can be hard enough without the drama of a possible (read: almost certain) breakup and ruining of friendships. Too many adorable little Freshmen friendships have been split apart because this stupid little hormonal Freshmen kid thought his female friend was cute, and she thought he was cute, and their friends got them together, and it ended up not working out because OF COURSE IT DIDN'T, and boom: awkwardness. Forever.
image: adamflora.blogspot.com
"I just can't believe he'd go behind my back and text Gina with a smiley face! I never thought he'd cheat on me like that."
Well, not really forever.You see, when you're young and "in love", it seems like it will last forever. And after it doesn't last forever, you think that the rift between you and your previous crush will last forever. Sometimes it does. But it usually doesn't.
Most of those relationships start because the two involved were good friends who happened to find each other attractive. While physical attraction is pretty important when attempting to find someone who will potentially be someone who could possibly end up being someone you might consider marrying someday, just because she's your friend and she's hot doesn't mean your at all compatible.
I have one or two graduated friends who are still dating someone they started going out with back in their Sophomore year. I don't think I know anyone who's Freshmen relationship survived the year. It's very rare, is what I'm saying. It's not worth the potential heartbreak. Just enjoy being friends! Guys should absolutely have "girl bros", as I like to call them.
The above video is amusing and makes a valid point: Guys tend to see any and all female friends as potential dating opportunities, while girls really wish they could have guy friends that didn't think this way. However, I don't think this is a bad thing, as long as you are able to take a more mature view of relationships. I know that's asking a lot of some of you, but please, this could help you out a lot.
Nearly all of my girl friends (as in friends who are girls) I find attractive. I have no problem saying it. Hello, ladies! You're all very pretty and you should feel good about your looks! You're welcome!
Now, I would never in a million years ask out most of them. That sounds super mean, but it isn't like that at all. I have some extremely close girl friends who are stunningly gorgeous and have winning personalities, but we aren't compatible. A few paragraphs earlier I linked a previous article/rant about relationships, and I explain the whole compatibility thing in greater detail.
Basically guys, it comes down to self control. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's your friend. Yes, her best friend just told your best friend who just told you that she thinks your adorable and funny and she wishes you would ask her out. Be the man and realize that she thinks she wants that, but because you love her as a person, you won't go out with her.
Freshmen and Sophomores (and a lot of Juniors and Seniors as well), understand the fact that you are in no fit state of mind to be committing yourself to any sort of a relationship. Learn about what you like in girls from simply being friends with them. It works. Trust me.
image: dreamstime.com
No girl can play a shooter while your holding down the trigger for her, Blue Tee. Lay off. However, despite the fact that you're totally ruining her K/D, she's still enjoying herself. She's a keeper.
Also, for all of you guys who complain about "The Friend-Zone", know this: Just because you are nice to a girl does not mean you are entitled to reciprocated affection. So you've decided to ignore my advice and try to go out with this girl. That's alright. It won't ruin high school for you when it doesn't work out, and you'll have fun while it lasts.
What's this? You go out of your way to be chivalrous to her and you enjoy the same things, and yet she thinks that you're, "Like a brother" to her? Sucks, bro. Thing is, she is totally allowed to like whoever she wants, and you have to be okay with that. So...
6. Be in "like" with someone, and do nothing about it.
Everyone in high school should have to live with having a crush on someone really bad. It is a not good feeling sometimes. I know. We all know. Everyone (thankfully) does experience that.
Why do I think that this is such a good thing? Because it will keep happening for the rest of your life, and you have to learn how to deal with it. Everywhere you go, there will be beautiful people who are fun to be around, and you feel some level of attraction to them.
So what do you do? Absolutely nothing. You continue being friends with them, and even if you sometimes feel uncomfortable, that will slowly pass. It always does. Usually within weeks or months. If not, then you're developing an unhealthy attachment, and it needs to stop.
image: betabeat.com
On the other side of this tape it says, "Danger: Entitled man child with preconceived notions that you would be in like with him if he was nice enough and/or just wants to get in your pants."
"The Friend-Zone" is what mature adults call "Having a friend who is very attractive but not at all an option". When you realize that it is completely okay to think that a good friend of yours is appealing as a member of the opposite sex and not tell them or anyone or make a move on them, your life will get so mucn better.
"But what if I'm in love with them?" you ask. Well, you're probably not. You may love them, but that's different. Everyone I call friend I love. I love them as a friend and, if they're Christians, I love them as a brother or sister in Christ.
In the same way I would tell a bro, "I love you bro", and not be sarcastic, so too can I love a girl and not be "in love" with her. I do have some girl friends who I tell that I love them, and although I would not do that with some of my more casual female friends, for those I am very close to the meaning is clear. I love them, and they love me, and we're not in like or in love or anything in-between.
*(By the way, guys? Girls totally get friendzoned all the time as well. You guys are quite the catch and don't realize it, apparently. You spent all your time pining after that one super cute girl that your text all the time and failed to realize that the girl you've been friends with since first grade hasn't gone out with a boy in a long time, and spends all her time with you, and really really really really really really wants you to take the hint.)
7. Try out for extra-curricular activities.
Sports. Drama. Choir. Knitting club. There are lots of things you can do here in the U.S. that the schools will not only encourage, but fund and help you pursue.
My personal recommendation? Be in a play or a musical. If you can't act of sing, do tech for it. If you can't do that, be on the stage crew. If that's to much stress, then act. Seriously, most high school productions will have a low stress roll somewhere in the background. Just find a way to be a part of the production, because the drama people are the coolest people.
I'm deathly serious.
image: nationalyouththeatre.com
Just looking at this picture I wish I could sit down and talk about life with all of them.
Not all that good at basketball, but love the sport? Try our anyway. Don't let your low opinion of your skills restrict you from at least trying for things. Reach for the stars! It is always worth it to try out for something; if you don't, the decision could haunt you for the rest of your life. So what if you can't play, or sing, or act? High school is where you learn things, remember?
You know you can't make the varsity team? Try for JV. You might learn some new moves and make the varsity team next year. Everyone is a beginner at some point.
Plus, the friends you make will be some of your best friends for your whole high school experience. I will never forget the friends I made in my varsity choir class or in the various musicals I performed in. I can't act very well at all, but I can sing, and in musicals one or the other will usually suffice for supporting roles.
Try out for something early on. There is no guarantee that you'll like it or be good at it, but then you know, and you won't have any regrets. If you try out for a bunch of stuff your Freshmen year, and decide not to do anything, that's okay. You'll be able to live out your high school days in peace.
And remember: It's never too late to try. For our production of Beauty and the Beast there were a number of Seniors who had never acted before. They just wanted to get one production in because it was their last chance. Don't wait that long if possible. Make as many memories as you can as soon as you can.
***
There's certainly more I could talk about, but I feel like this is enough. Don't make the mistakes I did. Do the things that you'll love. And do the hard things even when you want to give in or give up. You'll be happy you did.
One last word of advice: don't sleep in class if you snore. Just...don't.
I work in an area of the city where there are no hills or tall buildings or tall trees for miles around, so I have a wonderful view of the sky. Every time I close, I spend my last ten minute break outside watching the sun set.
A few evenings ago, the sky was particularly gorgeous. Betwixt two massive purple-grey clouds, there was a chunk of orange sky, with tiny, fluffy clouds that were different shades of yellow. In either direction, the massive dark clouds reminded me that night was coming, but if I focused on the bright area, I couldn't help but think of those people thousands of miles from me who were seeing the same sight early in the morning. At times, it looked as if God had just thrown some water-color paint at a canvas and said, "That looks good. I'll keep it."
It was so freaking beautiful! Beautiful things put me in a contemplative mood. So I got to thinking: What makes something beautiful?
Is anything objectively beautiful? Does anything objectively have worth? No. For something to be beautiful, someone must be declare it beautiful.
Basically, beauty requires recognition. So, if no sentient life existed to see that sublime setting sun, then it would not, in fact, be sublime, would it? It would simply be one of the trillions of natural occurrences or formations that exist every day in our galaxy that have the potential to be beautiful, but go unseen.
Or do they? If there is no God, then the unobserved universe is not truly beautiful. It is just a collection of atoms that has coalesced in various patterns. Whoop dee doo.
And don't give me any of that, "The fact that it did that on it's own makes it more beautiful!" crap. The unobserved parts of the universe are not beautiful if they have not been observed. The insignificant sliver of space-time that we have experienced from afar may often times look pretty, but less than 100 years ago, those massive swirling nebulae and massive collection of stars and planets called galaxies would have gone unseen.
Now, are stars beautiful as viewed from Earth? Yes. Leaving the city and staring at the night sky is mesmerizing for me. But the twinkles in the sky do not even come close to what the celestial bodies really look like.
So, without someone to observe it all, the vastness of the cosmos is just stuff, with no inherent beauty to it. And that's sad. BUT, I don't think that any single part of the universe is unobserved. It was brought into existence in intricate detail by a God who loves to create. He made it, and He made it, and me made it beautifully.
And because He thought it was so awesome that it just had to be shared, He made us. He wanted us to learn and be able to constantly find new things to wonder at, so He didn't just give us the tools to go explore the universe right off the bat.
Instead, He gave us beautiful things to marvel at right here on Earth. The Grand Canyon. The Cliffs of Moher. The ocean. The forests. A lover. A newborn baby. The night sky. The sunset.
I firmly believe that the universe will be seen in it's entirety. For me, that's what I want heaven to be. The same vast expanse of space, but literally infinite, and a spaceship. And pizzas. God will say, "Go out. Look at all of the beautiful things I made for you to marvel at. And if you want me to explain something, I'll be here to help you out. Have fun in My creation."
Until then, I'll settle for the sunsets.
image: me (this is from Africa, not Minnesota)
***
I thought all that, and then looked at the time, and raced back inside. I clocked in two minutes late from my break, but no one noticed. Oh well. It was a really nice sunset.
A few days ago I was at my job, pushing carts and helping people load air conditioners into their cars and just doing work related things, when all of a sudden, one of my managers showed up. Her hair was different than usual, and it was very pretty. I nearly told her, "Hey, your hair looks great today", but I caught myself.
I reeeeeeally wish I could have just said it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I should have been able to casually compliment a co-workers appearance, but nope, that's not the kind of society we live in. Just the day before she had mentioned in a casual conversation that she was engaged, and if I had complimented her hair, it could have been taken as flirting.
I enjoy being nice to people. Being able to make someone's day, or even just brighten it a little bit, is how I entertain myself. If that sounds like I'm trying to make myself sound super nice or whatever, don't be fooled. I rarely act on my impulses to be genuinely kind.
Why is that? Well, it's mostly because I'm scared that my attempt to be nice will come off as creepy or make someone uncomfortable. It doesn't matter the gender or the age of the person; if they were born within the past few decades, it's likely that any sort of affection shown towards them might be misunderstood or misconstrued.
image: faithfullnibbles.wordpress.com
Timmy gave Susie his apple. By the end of the day, everyone had heard that Timmy had been flirting with Susie, and his teacher had him suspended for sexual harassment.
Alright, so maybe that's a bit of an overstatement. My point is, as a society, we have become so preoccupied with not offending anyone that we keep all of our cordial remarks to ourselves.
Actually, that's not true. There are some people who seem to either be oblivious to the social taboo of genial behavior or they simply decide to ignore it. These people will smile at you even if you didn't tell a joke or anything like that. They will shake your hand or hug you for even if what you just did for them was part of your job. These people will express genuine approval for the actions or appearance of strangers or members of the opposite sex. These people are kind.
You know what we call these people? Creeps. Weirdos. Old fashioned.
Okay, let me back up. "We" don't call people that. We're nice. But a lot of folks - an unfortunately increasing majority of folks - do, in fact, see simple acts of kindness as off-putting.
In today's society, it is more polite to ignore strangers than to cordially interact with them. An example would be awkward hallway eye contact. You're walking down a ridiculously long hallway, and suddenly someone you are aware of but don't really know appears, and they're headed straight for you!
I would say the "polite" thing to do in that situation would be saying "Hello!" with a smile, and then continuing on your way. However, while that isn't considered rude to most people, it would be seen as adding unnecessary awkwardness to the situation. Why do that when you can do this?
image: awkwardrules.net
I encounter this situation dozens of times every day at work. If I was allowed to be cheery every once in awhile, I would try to change this social norm. Interacting with people shouldn't be awkward! But somehow, it is.
I like people. Even though I tend to have a negative view of humanity in general, I like people on a personal level. And when I say "negative view of humanity", I don't mean that I think most people are bad. What I mean is that I think humanity has a tendency to do things specifically to frustrate me and people who think and act like me. You know...cool people.
Anyway! As I said, I like people. People are usually nice, and when they're not, I like to pretend they are and that they are just in a bad mood. So why can't people like me back?
I tend to wish I lived in a small town in the 50's or 60's, only with the Internet and without the socially acceptable racism. All the knowledge I have of life in the 50's and 60's I have gained from reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show or the Andy Griffith show. And every one in those shows (except for the occasional "villain") everyone is nice to each other. Like, as a rule of thumb, you treated those you knew with respect and kindness. And you knew everyone, because it was a small town.
That is my ideal life. It would be so much easier for me to be amicable if I knew that others would be amicable in return if I was. But alas; we receive no such recompense for our actions. An extended handshake or a compliment is more often returned with a confused stare than a similar action.
Honestly, I don't know what it is about our culture that makes us this way. I'm not a sociologist. What I do know is that it sucks, and that I wish it wasn't this way, and that I have a blog so I can complain without offering solutions. Hah!
Anyway, to my manager friend: You're hair is lovely, and that one time you did the special braid thingy, it was especially lovely. Good job!
Tomorrow, at 3:30 IN THE MORNING, I arrive at the MPLS airport. My destination? San Antonio, Texas, home of the Alamo, the Alamo Dome, and this years Lutheran National Youth Gathering. Tens of thousands of kids from across the United States will gather in one city to worship, learn about God, and serve the community together. It's going to be fantastic.
I attended the last Youth Gathering in New Orleans. I was a little freshman who didn't know the next thing about socializing with my peers. The vast crowds of other teenagers intimidated me. Everywhere I looked there was either some beautiful girl or some weird looking guy I didn't want to know or some adult that looked out of place amongst the throng of youngsters.
image: thinksquad.net
It was like this, only with infinitely more hormones.
However, there was one stupid little trend that was happening that helped me come out of my shell and become the slightly more extroverted introvert that I am today. There were these guys with signs that said "Free Hugs." They were all over the place. Every day I'd see more and more of them.
That's it. It wasn't some lesson by a famous speaker that inspired me to be more open to people. It wasn't some spiritual revelation, either. It was just these dudes with signs.
I've always enjoyed a good hug, no matter who is giving it. For me, hugs are a way for people to say whatever I need to hear at the time, even if they have no idea that I am even struggling with something. Hugs are a universal way of saying, "I'm right here if you need me." Plus, they just feel really nice.
I decided to make my own "Free Hugs" sign, because I lack originality and there were a lot of cute girls. That day, I got dozens of hugs from strangers from all walks of life. I quickly realized that this whole "interacting with strangers" thing wasn't nearly as horrifying as I had originally thought it might be. I didn't get as many hugs from cute girls as I had originally planned, but that selfish reasoning had fallen by the wayside. I was now in it for the feels. The feels you get when you make someone else feel happy.
image: theturtlehairandprincess.com
"You aren't terrible, and I appreciate your existence." "Aw! Thanks friend!"
My cause did eventually become a contest between my female friend and I to see who could get the most hugs in a day. She won because she's a girl and guys are lame. However, I had decided that for the next Youth Gathering, things would be different. I would try to change people's lives in the way mine was changed during that wonderful week.
Over the past few years I have obtained many close friends who like hugging nearly as much as I do. Most of my friends, male or female, have so much affection for one another that we don't care how stupid we look when we express it. My guy friends and I often start our conversations with, "I love you.", and it isn't awkward and no one goes, "Lol, gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay." It's just how we talk. We genuinely love each other. And we hug. All. The. Time.
I really am blessed to have such wonderful friends, but some people don't have those kinds of supportive and caring relationships. Many people out there never, ever get hugged, and that makes me sad. Which is why I am making it my mission to go out of my way to hug people. I even made a t-shirt!
Front
Back
Now, one of my friends raised a legitimate point. He told me that I'm not the first guy to come up with this idea of "Free Hugs". "No offense," he said, "but you know that girls find 'those' people to be annoying and creepy, and the real reason guys do that is because they just want to feel a girl..."
Sadly, yes, there are a lot of those douchebags out there who only want hugs from cute girls. I already admitted that that is how I started out, and I totally feel embarrassed by it. And I realize that a lot of people will probably see me wearing the shirt and be put off by it. I'll get weird looks and raised chins, and many people will feel indignant towards me.
And you know what? That's okay. If I make only ONE person's day?. I'll feel validated. If I change ONe person's life? It'll be the best decision I ever made.
If you really think about it, that's what Christians are called to do. We are called to share Christ's love no matter what people think of us. I will be surrounded on all sides by fellow Christians of the same denomination as me, and I'll still probably be looked down upon. Lutheran's, especially LCMS Lutherans, are not really known for their free-spiritedness.
Now, this is where I ask you people out there to try my little love experiment. Whether you are on your way to the Youth Gathering, or are reading this after the fact, or, most likely, you are not involved with it whatsoever, I call on YOU to give a genuine hug today. And tomorrow. And forever.
You don't need a nice little t-shirt to give hugs. Just do it. Do it because you care. Do it because you love people. Do it because hugs feel nice and everyone deserves to feel nice every once in awhile.
- My grad party is in two days, and other than clean my room a bit, I have done almost no preparing. My parents are amazing.
- I think people that have watched more than one full season of Dr. Who and still do not like it either have bad taste in television or are part Dalek.
- I have multiple unfinished or barely even started posts (Gaming Nostalgia Part 2, Apologetics Part 2, and many more) that I haven't finished because they are too hard. I have no idea when I shall finish them. IF you've been checking frequently to find any one post in particular, you can simmer down a bit...it could be awhile.
- I used to be embarrassed by my last name, but I kind of like it now, because I realize that it makes other people uncomfortable that they find it funny, but are too polite to say anything about it. Hickey. HICKEY. HICKEEEEEY! Also, it's Irish, and Ireland is awesome.
- I'm only writing this to procrastinate on the aforementioned difficult, unfinished posts.
- I have a back-scratcher that looks like a tiger. I am using it right now. Be jealous.
- I am terrible with money. I blame that partly on my generosity, and partly on how I was trained by games like Red Dead Redemption and Skyrim. In real life, I am not a badass cowboy or a nigh-unkillable demigod, and I do not get into fights with lawmen and bandits every few minutes, and therefore I do not have bodies to loot and make cash off of. I sometimes forget this, and blow a ton of money. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it.
- If I ever meet the guy who does the Spotify ads in real life, I'm going to punch him in the face. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but still...ugh.
- I have mowed the lawn barefoot multiple times. That's right, dad. And I still stand by my believe that it is no more dangerous with shoes on. I was tempted to write an entire rant on this the other day, and give it it's own post. I still might.
- I've been known to walk on the left side of the stairs, even when other people are coming down. Sometimes things don't always go the way you want, and you just have to get out of the way.
- I'm German and Irish and I hate the taste of beer.
- I'm the one who let the dogs out.
- We got rid of my sister's rabbit because nobody wanted to take care of it anymore. I'm not even remotely sad about it.
- I once snorted an entire Pixie Stick - one of the long one - for five dollars. My nose bled for hours.
- If you tell me you enjoy getting drunk or high, I automatically assume I'm a little bit smarter than you.
As a male, I am an expert at doing stupid things. Specifically, doing stupid things for the attention of females. It doesn't even need to be the kind of attention that possibly implies any sort of romantic feeling; any sort of female attention is good attention as long as they aren't making fun.
Actually, we'll usually settle for making fun as long as girls acknowledge us.
image: tokitali.blogspot.com
"Ha ha, they NOTICED me!"
However, I personally refuse to chalk it up to "hormones" or "pheromones", or even the ever so popular "underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex". As unwise as these factors may make young males such as myself, they are no excuse for when we do harmful or hurtful things.
As a human being, I am capable of making my own choices, stupid or otherwise. Despite what the occasional dirt bag scientist will tell you, we are not governed completely by biological and environmental impulses. This explanation is a completely intentional dumbing down of the wonderfully complex and mysterious system that is the human consciousness.
When I've done something that accidentally offends someone, to try and blow it off by saying something like, "What can I say? I'm a guy! I do dumb things. But I'm sorry, I suppose." is a disgustingly sleazy way of attempting to escape the responsibility of owning up to my bad decision.
But what happens when you have no idea how deeply you've offended someone? What do you do if your attempted apology fails to suffice?
image: roblang.photoshelter.com
And no, fleeing the country is not an option. You're obviously missing the point here.
Do you hide? Do you avoid contact with this person and cut yourself off from them? Imagine running into this person at a party or some other social event. How awkward would that be?
You could always pretend nothing happened, right? Next time you see them, just smile, ask them what's up, and then pretend you don't know what they're grouchy about. To complement this, there's a neat trick where you pull every person aside that you both know and ask them, "What's up with so and so? They seem upset about something. I'm worried about them." That way you distance yourself from the possibility of being involved, AND you seem like you legitimately care to everyone else, so that if the hammer falls and your dispute becomes public, there will more likely be some people to side with you.
In case there are actually some people who might try this in a similar scenario, I'd like everyone to be fully aware of the sarcasm I'm attempting to imply. THESE ARE NOT ACTUALLY GOOD IDEAS, AND THEY WILL MAKE YOU INTO A WORSE PERSON.
No, what you should do is accept that there will be consequences to your actions, even if you think they are unfair. No amount of scheming will completely cover up the hurt and shame of whatever incident you were involved in. Plus, you'll know, and if you're a decent person (which I'm sure you are), you will feel like an ass every time you are reminded of the person you've offended.
image: therisetothetop.com
So you were a jerk. You now realize that, and you've apologized. That's pretty much the most you can do. Sure, you can go all out trying extra special hard to please this person, but you know what? That's not you. That's not what you were, and that's not what you want your relationship to be like: A constant struggle to make up for an offense that you may not completely understand until the end of time.
Instead of trying to be satisfied with your mediocre apology, and in an attempt to avoid a life of guilt and groveling, what you should do is actually apologize to the person. This is different than saying, "I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?"
An actual apology is done in person. An actual apology explains your actions without making excuses. An actual apology is done not out of shame but out of humility and an actual desire for reconciliation. An actual apology does not assume a clean slate, but is an offer to try and rekindle what you had before the offense was committed.
So get on that, you twerp. I'm tired of feeling awful about myself.
I just graduated from high school. This is crazy. I'm excited and terrified and overjoyed and incredibly sad. However, this mix of emotions is not new to me. I felt this when I moved for the first time. I felt this when I left my last school. I felt like this when the school before that closed.
The emotions I described -- sad but also happy, excited and scared -- are indicative of a higher, more profound emotion. Allie Brosh described a similar emotion in her article "Depression Part Two", an emotion called "crying".
During a bout of depression, she found herself crying about nothing in particular, and that she was just sad for the sake of being sad, and that she couldn't help it. "I call this emotion 'crying' and not 'sadness' because that's all it really was. Just crying for the sake of crying. My brain had partially learned how to be sad again, but it took the feeling out for a joy ride before it had learned how to use the brakes or steer."
She ended up just sitting on her kitchen crying about nothing. But she tells her story better. Go read her article. It's wonderful and beautiful and amazing.
image: hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com
Property of Allie Brosh
Since apparently bloggers get to make up new emotions, my emotion would probably be called "Lasts". Lasts is an emotion you feel when you know you are going to experience or are experiencing something for the very last time.
It could be something you love or something you hate, but either way, if you're consciously aware that it is going to happen or is currently happening, you're going to get the Lasts.
If you just experienced something awful for the last time, like when you hand in a final test for a class you hated, you're going to feel mostly happy. However, there will be a twinge of sadness, because everything good that happened in that class, no matter how small it was, is now gone.
When you finish that class, the positive experiences, like when you pranked the teacher with your friends, or when you got partnered with that really cute girl for that one difficult group project, will be left behind in that room without you. Sure, you'll have memories, but there is something significant about the physical. Places, objects, people...these are all things that make experiences more real, even when they're over.
However, a good friend of mine told me that you cannot prolong the positive by moping. The often times negative nostalgia that comes with Lasts is never conducive to anything. You may be confused and upset, but that means the only thing left for you to do is to press on and try to experience something new, exciting, and lovely.
Image: wannabehacks.co.uk
I hear blogging is a great medium for self-expression. Also, it will be around as long as the Internet, so there's that.
Now, I realize better than most that you cannot simply chose to not feel something. Sure, you can put up walls and try to hide behind them, but the emotions will still be there. Waiting. Watching. Hungering.
But it's not all that bad, really! What I've come to realize is that the sadder you feel about something ending, the more awesome it truly was while it happened. Those little twinges of melancholy you feel when something ended that you thought you'd be happy about? That's your subconscious reminding you that it wasn't all complete suckage.
So I guess, in a way, you can prolong the positive, if not by moping, then by remembering. Because those experiences are never truly gone. I mean, in a literal sense, yes, they are. Time travel is most likely impossible without irreparably damaging the fabric of space-time.
That's not what I meant though. We can relive those past experiences in our heads with out memories. We can reminisce with our friends. We can cry on their shoulders and laugh out loud around campfires and we can shamelessly embellish our old stories to our children and their children.
Embrace the feeling of Lasts, because after all, all endings are simply preludes to great beginnings.
Dedicated to Concordia Academy's Graduating Class of 2013
This is a thing I plan on doing semi-regularly now. Enjoy.
- Whenever I hear someone say, "My friend lost their *insert person here*", referring to a death, I have to fight the urge to say, "Well I hope they find them again."
- I had a crush on Emma Watson when Prisoner of Azkaban came out, and now every time I watch that movie I feel awkward because she looks so much younger.
- I convinced my cousin's three and four year old sons that dogs were cats, cats were dogs, red was blue, and blue was red. They were very confused for a few hours after that until she set them straight.
- I should be studying right now.
- I hate bacon, cheesecake, and any yogurt or Jell-o with fruit chunks in them. Yet, somehow, I'm still overweight.
- I have, on multiple occasions, eaten an entire bag of Lays sour cream and onion potato chips in one night. Oh, that's how I'm still overweight.
- I think Call of Duty is an exceptional franchise, despite it's apparent lack of innovation.
- I still cry when I watch the end of The Return of the King.
- I have a nearly crippling phobia of worms that developed my sophomore year while working on a project that required me to study and find pictures of various phyla of worms. I had never had a problem with them before then. I practically have a panic attack when I look at pictures of them.
- I often eat cereal right out of the box for lunch instead of making myself lunch, and I'm not in any way ashamed of it.
- I think most sports are kinda dumb.
- I assume everyone who is anti-gun, pro-abortion, and pro-socialized healthcare is less intelligent than me. I'm aware that sounds arrogant, but I still think it's true.
- I failed my permit test twice before getting it right the third time. I blame my driving school, where all we did was listen to some old guy read to us from the MN State Driving Booklet for an hour, and watch videos from the 80's.
- I steal pencils all the time. I haven't used a single one of my own pencils in school since the beginning of my senior year. I never start with the intention of stealing them, but if I borrow them for awhile and people don't ask for them back, they're as good as mine.
- If you would have asked me less than two years ago what I thought about blogging, I would have told you it's pretentious and lame.
- I still kinda think blogging is pretentious and lame. Except for the good ones.
This Mother's Day I did not get my mother anything. I'm not entirely sure why. It never crossed my mind until today that it was coming up, and even though I didn't really have anything going on today, I still didn't go out and get anything.
She was understandably upset. I hope she knows it wasn't out of spite or some sort of willful act of defiance against her that I didn't get anything, it just...go away from me this year.
I've never really put effort into Mother's Day before. My sister has always been the one who figures out what to get, and we usually go half and half on the price. That's and half and half of money that my mother gave to us in the first place, at least until recently.
This year my sister asked if I wanted to do that again, but I told her that because I didn't have any money, I'd have to pass and that I'd get her something myself. The very next day I was planning on going to a movie with some of my friends, but I had no money, so my mom gave me WAY more than I needed, because she loves me and wanted me to have a good time.
About half of that money is still in my wallet, when it should be in the cashier of a jewelry store or an ornament shop or a candle store or any one of the dozens of places I've gotten her cute, cheap items over the years that remind her that even though I don't have money to spend or a knack for picking presents, I still love her enough to go and find something that I think she will enjoy. I didn't do that this year because of laziness and a lack of foresight.
So, in a pitiful attempt to make up for what I've done, I'm writing this through tears of shame when I should be going to bed, because I'll be damned if it reaches midnight and Mother's Day ends before I give my mother a truly heartfelt present for once in my miserable life.
Mom, you may not see this until after Mother's Day, and you may be going to bed right now feeling unappreciated, but once you do finally see this I want you to know that nothing could be farther from the truth. Millions of other women would have given up on me years ago, and I realize that. I'll be the luckiest man alive if I can ever find a wife who takes care of me and loves me even a percentage of how well and how much you do.
You know when I'm feeling sad or sick or angry or upset, and you also know when I need to be pushed and motivated. I'm not exactly known for my ability to kick myself into gear and get things done, but when you see me sitting around and doing nothing when I should be doing something, you let me know.
Of course, I don't often act appreciative when you do that. I tend to be grouchy and ungrateful in the moment, but whenever I finish doing something satisfying or something that simply needed to be done, 99 out of 100 times I look back and remember that you were the one who told me I needed to do it. So I thank you for that.
I thank you for the hundreds of thousands of times you've forgiven me when I've gone and messed something up, and the (probably) billions of times that you've cleaned up after a mess of mine that I'm not even conscious of. I'm one of the most forgetful people I know, and I've seen that I frustrate you, but you keep forgiving me over and over and over again.
That right there - that love that you show me when I haven't yet done anything to deserve it - is probably the best example of God's love that anyone has ever or will ever show me. Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." That's how I see you, mom. Lord knows I don't deserve your love, but you freely give it. And I have no idea why. Hopefully I'll be a parent someday so that I can understand where that kind of love stems from. And I know that you hope that I have a kid as obnoxious and difficult as I am to you so that I'll understand how hard loving me is for you.
Mom, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry that I didn't get you anything this year for Mother's Day. Normally this is where I'd say something cynical, like how Mother's Day is simply fabricated by greeting card companies to get our money, or how the candle I got you last year probably is still in a drawer somewhere, but I won't. Well, I just did. But that's not the point.
What I will say is that I would never, and will never love you any less. If I had known that you wanted something so badly I would have blown all the money that you gave me the other day on something silly and beautiful that either smelled good, was shiny, or would sit in your garden, because I know that those are things you like.
I also know that this blog post can't replace any of those things, but I feel that buying you a creepy little garden gnome or something a day late would be even more tactless than I already have been, so I'm going to end here. Basically what I'm trying to get at is that I love you, and if it will make you happy, I will get you two creepy little garden gnomes for Mother's Day next year.
