7 Tips on How to Get the Most Out of High School

    So, you're starting school in a few days, huh? Isn't that the worst? All summer you're bored out of your skull, and then when school comes along, you remember all of the amazing things you were going to do with your summer. And then school just seems like the worst possible thing that could happen to you.

    There's a million different life "survival guides" out there. High school "survival guides", dating "survival guides", college "survival guides", parenting "survival guides" and the list goes on.

    This article is not a survival guide for high school. I want to be clear about that. The fact is, you will survive high school. High school will not be the death of you. It will, at times, be frustrating, depressing, and insanely difficult, but it will not kill you. In fact, it will probably be the easiest and most fun four years of your life.

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No, I'm serious! School is awesome! Settle down!

    I know I'm not exactly filled with years and years of wisdom. I haven't even started college yet! But I am fresh out of high school. A week ago, I went back to my high school for a church event that was being held in the auditorium. It was the the first time I'd been back since the day before I graduated.

    I walked the halls alone. It was quiet. It was lonely. I cried.

    So many memories flooded my brain. The person I am now was formed and molded inside that building, and now it's just a building that other kids have school at. I won't be able to go back and learn more life lessons from friends or teachers. No longer will I form stronger friendships while chatting with people in the halls or at lunch. That stage has ended, so when I went back to my old high school, I began experiencing Lasts. Again. I had thought for sure I was done with that, but...oh well.

    I decided that I wanted other people to go through what I was going through. Not in the sense that I want them to be sad, but I wanted other people to have such a good time in high school that if they ever return to the building when they graduate, they will have to fight back tears when all the positive memories hit them.

    So, here is a list of tips for getting the most out of your high school experience. Not all of them are necessarily enjoyable, but they will help you learn and become a better person. And if you learn only one thing, let it be this: High school will not kill you.

                                                           image: highschoogle.com

High school sports, on the other hand...

    (Also, just a heads up...I am a boy. I am going to write this as though only to boys, because that is all I have experienced in my life. My experiences in high school were those of a boy, because I have always been a boy. However, girls can learn from this as well. Just try to switch the gender pronouns where possible.)

1. Be friendly to everyone.

    This will be hard. Trust me, it will. There are some people out there who, for whatever reason, will not have any interest in getting to know you. And that's okay.

    Why is this okay? Because you don't have to be friends with everyone; you just need to be nice. The easiest way to get friends is to be friendly with strangers, and if they return the friendliness, then viola! Friendship possibilities open up.

    Whether you care about being popular or not, in general life will be much easier when people are nice to you. You don't have to worry about having "enemies", there will be less drama in your friend group, and you won't have to endure any awkward classes with that one kid you called a mean name behind their back one time and they heard about it and now they and their friends hate you and sit right across from you and stare at you and whisper things and then giggle. That won't happen.

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"Sooo, Suzie, when I said that you were a dumb because you're blonde, what I meant to say was..."
"Hey, Rick? Don't talk to me. We're not friends anymore."

    As I said before, there will be people who don't like you. And that's okay. They're idiots, because you are awesome and they are missing out on a cool friendship.

2. Do your homework, but don't obsess over it.
 
    I was terrible at science or math. Both subjects I find absolutely fascinating in theory, but in practice, they suck. Hard. Geometry and biology specifically, because of all the theorems and definitions you have to memorize. I suck at memorizing, and biology isn't fun until you get to cut open dead things.

    Because of my lack of interest or skill in either area, I would end up not doing my homework. I would open my binder/folder/book I had crammed homework sheets into, and stare at it for a few minutes. I would try reeeeeeeally hard for about 4 minutes, and then say, "Eh, good enough."

    DO NOT DO THIS. Teachers do not appreciate lazy students. A teacher will be much more inclined to take an interest in you and how you're doing if you apply yourself. If you just naturally suck at the class, with a little hard work and some help from the teacher, you can probably pull off a solid C.

    There are no high school classes (with the exception of Calculus or Physics, which I never took, but I hear they're totes ridiculous) that should be failable if you simply try your hardest and do the work. So what if you got a D on the homework? Ask for extra credit from the teacher, or if that's not an option, ask for a redo.

    Also, study hard. If you don't know your stuff, your going to fail for sure. I hated studying, and almost never did it, but when I did, it helped. And by the way, skimming the bold words in your textbook during the passing period before the quiz does not count as studying. Click here to learn how to study from world renowned studying masters, the Scientologists (it was one of the sponsored links when I Googled "Study Techniques).

                                                                                           image: telegraph.co.uk

They'll teach you their study techniques for the small fee of 1 million U.S. dollars, and your firstborn child. 

    On the flip-side of this, don't become so consumed with your schoolwork that you forget to enjoy your free time. Even if your one of those kids who is banking on a ton of scholarships to get into college, you can still dip into your Sunday afternoon study hours every now and then to hang out with friends.

    Never again in your life will you have such easy access to new friends and so much time on your hands (well, maybe in a nursing home, but then you won't have the energy or physical ability to go on wacky adventures), so use it. Good grades are important, but in my opinion, making memories and making friends trumps homework any day. 

    Teachers and parents will not like me for saying this, but if you have to choose between doing a worksheet and going out with your newly met friends on a beautiful fall day and running around in the park and then going over to one of their houses and having a bonfire and staying up till midnight playing on guitars and singing and telling stories and in general having a blast...take the F on that assignment. 

    You don't usually have to do that though. You can rush the assignment and get a passing grade on it. You could definitely do part of it. What matters is that you learn the material as well as you need to, not that the system is able to keep track of how they feel you measure up to whatever trivial and insubstantial criteria they have set in place to justify their existence. 

    Last bit of advice in this section: A 50%, while still an F, is far better than a 0%. Don't just not do stuff because you think you're going to fail anyway, or because you have other stuff you want to do. Do as much as you can, without compromising what you think is really most important in your life. 

    However, balancing your time for both school work and time with friends can be difficult sometimes, which is why this next one is important...

3. Delay getting a job (unless you absolutely have to have one). 

    "WHAT??? DELAY GETTING A JOB??? BUT I NEED THAT MONEY FOR COLLEGE, OR FOR GAS MONEY, OR FOR DATE MONEY, OR...."

    Okay then, jeez! Then get a job. But trust me, a Freshmen in high school does not need a job. Most don't have one, but those that do are going to lose out on one of the last truly easy years of their life. I also don't think sophomores need a job, but if you think you definitely do, then get one with few hours and a flexible schedule. 

    Freshmen and Sophomore year, school is your job. Do your schoolwork, and in your free time, be with friends. You don't want to miss out on going to the homecoming game and sitting by a super cute girl and really hitting it off because you have to close at your work. 

    I didn't get a job until I was out of high school. Yes, I did have it kind of easy; I had an allowance until I was 18. I got by with small amounts of cash, and a lot of mooching off of friends. Was that ideal? Not really. Nobody likes a mooch. 

    I would suggest getting a job in the summer after your Junior year, or late in your Junior year. Summers are a wonderful thing, and once you get a job, they are over. Forever. Once you have a job, if you ever spend an entire summer unemployed (and you're not a teacher), people will see you as lazy. So think very, very carefully about when you'll get a job. 

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Or maybe, if you're lucky, the economy will get so bad that you won't even have to bother with that kind of thing anymore.

    And plan ahead. If you know you're not going to get a job for another few years, you can plan other things during the summer, like volunteering at a summer camp or going on a camping trip with some of your good friends. However, many summer fun activities require traveling over distances that you do not want to walk, which is why I suggest that you...

4. Get your license as early as humanly possible. 

    Seriously. This is huge. Getting your license will open up so many possibilities for you. You don't even have to own a car. If your family only has one car, it is still worth it to have your license, because every once in awhile, you may get to drive it. 

    I do not have my license as of the time I am writing this, and that is one of my greatest sources of shame. I was lazy and took forever to get my permit, and when I finally got it, I never practiced driving, and failed the test multiple times. Now that I have a job (which I bus to every day, taking 45 extra minutes) I don't have time to schedule a license test. And it will only get harder as time goes by. 

    This is no bueno. My situation is mucho suckisho. Having a license is kinda necessary for social things, especially if your like me and nearly all your friends live at least 20 minutes from you on the highway. 

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"They said the movie starts in 2 hours, so if I sprint slightly faster than Usain Bolt the rest of the way, I should get there...two hours after it finishes. Damn. I need a license."

    Life is obviously doable without a license, but it is much more awkward. There really isn't a good excuse for not having it past the age of 17, short of being blind or not having hands/feet. Or if you live in places like New York City. 

    *(In episode two of Ultimate Spider-Man {the cartoon, not the comics}, he gets a Spider-Motorcycle from SHIELD, and has no idea how to drive it. Nick Fury is surprised he doesn't know how to drive, and he's all, "Bro, why would I need to drive? I live in New York! Plus, I'm Spider-Man!" That's how I know you don't need a license in New York City.)

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I'm not the best at staying on subject. But look! Spider-Man on a motorcycle!!!

Sorry.

    From what I hear, the only downside of having a license is that losers like me ask you for rides all the time. But at least you get to hang out with people! Don't let yourself become the taxi service, though. Unless you offer to drive someone somewhere ahead of time, they are not entitled to your time and gas money. However, don't be rude and tell them to catch a bus if they have no other option. Remember lesson 1. 

    Remember, I don't have my license yet; this is all my opinion. This is how I think I will behave when I get my license. 

    Also, guys: Do not ask a girl out if you cannot drive her from her house if necessary. Seriously. It isn't cool. I've done it, and it's super humiliating. Yeah, I paid for movie tickets and stuff, but it is so awkward when the girl has to drop you off at home afterwards. That is a big nope.

    That's why, as a matter of personal pride, I refuse to ask anyone out again until I have my license. Ideally, the guy drives to the girls house, gets out of the car and rings the doorbell, even if that means talking awkwardly with the family while the girl gets ready. Actually, no, make that especially if it means talking awkwardly with the family while the girl gets ready. That should have to happen occasionally. 

    And while we're on the topic of dating...

5. Don't date until at least your Junior year (and even then, it's ill advised).    

    High school can be hard enough without the drama of a possible (read: almost certain) breakup and ruining of friendships. Too many adorable little Freshmen friendships have been split apart because this stupid little hormonal Freshmen kid thought his female friend was cute, and she thought he was cute, and their friends got them together, and it ended up not working out because OF COURSE IT DIDN'T, and boom: awkwardness. Forever.

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"I just can't believe he'd go behind my back and text Gina with a smiley face! I never thought he'd cheat on me like that."

    Well, not really forever.You see, when you're young and "in love", it seems like it will last forever. And after it doesn't last forever, you think that the rift between you and your previous crush will last forever. Sometimes it does. But it usually doesn't.

    Most of those relationships start because the two involved were good friends who happened to find each other attractive. While physical attraction is pretty important when attempting to find someone who will potentially be someone who could possibly end up being someone you might consider marrying someday, just because she's your friend and she's hot doesn't mean your at all compatible.

    I have one or two graduated friends who are still dating someone they started going out with back in their Sophomore year. I don't think I know anyone who's Freshmen relationship survived the year. It's very rare, is what I'm saying. It's not worth the potential heartbreak. Just enjoy being friends! Guys should absolutely have "girl bros", as I like to call them.

    The above video is amusing and makes a valid point: Guys tend to see any and all female friends as potential dating opportunities, while girls really wish they could have guy friends that didn't think this way. However, I don't think this is a bad thing, as long as you are able to take a more mature view of relationships. I know that's asking a lot of some of you, but please, this could help you out a lot.

    Nearly all of my girl friends (as in friends who are girls) I find attractive. I have no problem saying it. Hello, ladies! You're all very pretty and you should feel good about your looks! You're welcome! 

    Now, I would never in a million years ask out most of them. That sounds super mean, but it isn't like that at all. I have some extremely close girl friends who are stunningly gorgeous and have winning personalities, but we aren't compatible. A few paragraphs earlier I linked a previous article/rant about relationships, and I explain the whole compatibility thing in greater detail.

    Basically guys, it comes down to self control. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's your friend. Yes, her best friend just told your best friend who just told you that she thinks your adorable and funny and she wishes you would ask her out. Be the man and realize that she thinks she wants that, but because you love her as a person, you won't go out with her. 

    Freshmen and Sophomores (and a lot of Juniors and Seniors as well), understand the fact that you are in no fit state of mind to be committing yourself to any sort of a relationship. Learn about what you like in girls from simply being friends with them. It works. Trust me. 

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No girl can play a shooter while your holding down the trigger for her, Blue Tee. Lay off. However, despite the fact that you're totally ruining her K/D, she's still enjoying herself. She's a keeper.

    Also, for all of you guys who complain about "The Friend-Zone", know this: Just because you are nice to a girl does not mean you are entitled to reciprocated affection. So you've decided to ignore my advice and try to go out with this girl. That's alright. It won't ruin high school for you when it doesn't work out, and you'll have fun while it lasts. 

    What's this? You go out of your way to be chivalrous to her and you enjoy the same things, and yet she thinks that you're, "Like a brother" to her? Sucks, bro. Thing is, she is totally allowed to like whoever she wants, and you have to be okay with that. So...

6. Be in "like" with someone, and do nothing about it.  

    Everyone in high school should have to live with having a crush on someone really bad. It is a not good feeling sometimes. I know. We all know. Everyone (thankfully) does experience that. 

    Why do I think that this is such a good thing? Because it will keep happening for the rest of your life, and you have to learn how to deal with it. Everywhere you go, there will be beautiful people who are fun to be around, and you feel some level of attraction to them. 

    So what do you do? Absolutely nothing. You continue being friends with them, and even if you sometimes feel uncomfortable, that will slowly pass. It always does. Usually within weeks or months. If not, then you're developing an unhealthy attachment, and it needs to stop. 

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On the other side of this tape it says, "Danger: Entitled man child with preconceived notions that you would be in like with him if he was nice enough and/or just wants to get in your pants."

    "The Friend-Zone" is what mature adults call "Having a friend who is very attractive but not at all an option". When you realize that it is completely okay to think that a good friend of yours is appealing as a member of the opposite sex and not tell them or anyone or make a move on them, your life will get so mucn better. 

    "But what if I'm in love with them?" you ask. Well, you're probably not. You may love them, but that's different. Everyone I call friend I love. I love them as a friend and, if they're Christians, I love them as a brother or sister in Christ.

     In the same way I would tell a bro, "I love you bro", and not be sarcastic, so too can I love a girl and not be "in love" with her. I do have some girl friends who I tell that I love them, and although I would not do that with some of my more casual female friends, for those I am very close to the meaning is clear. I love them, and they love me, and we're not in like or in love or anything in-between. 

    *(By the way, guys? Girls totally get friendzoned all the time as well. You guys are quite the catch and don't realize it, apparently. You spent all your time pining after that one super cute girl that your text all the time and failed to realize that the girl you've been friends with since first grade hasn't gone out with a boy in a long time, and spends all her time with you, and really really really really really really wants you to take the hint.)

7. Try out for extra-curricular activities.

    Sports. Drama. Choir. Knitting club. There are lots of things you can do here in the U.S. that the schools will not only encourage, but fund and help you pursue.

    My personal recommendation? Be in a play or a musical. If you can't act of sing, do tech for it. If you can't do that, be on the stage crew. If that's to much stress, then act. Seriously, most high school productions will have a low stress roll somewhere in the background. Just find a way to be a part of the production, because the drama people are the coolest people.

    I'm deathly serious.

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Just looking at this picture I wish I could sit down and talk about life with all of them. 

    Not all that good at basketball, but love the sport? Try our anyway. Don't let your low opinion of your skills restrict you from at least trying for things. Reach for the stars! It is always worth it to try out for something; if you don't, the decision could haunt you for the rest of your life. So what if you can't play, or sing, or act? High school is where you learn things, remember? 

    You know you can't make the varsity team? Try for JV. You might learn some new moves and make the varsity team next year. Everyone is a beginner at some point. 

    Plus, the friends you make will be some of your best friends for your whole high school experience. I will never forget the friends I made in my varsity choir class or in the various musicals I performed in. I can't act very well at all, but I can sing, and in musicals one or the other will usually suffice for supporting roles. 

    Try out for something early on. There is no guarantee that you'll like it or be good at it, but then you know, and you won't have any regrets. If you try out for a bunch of stuff your Freshmen year, and decide not to do anything, that's okay. You'll be able to live out your high school days in peace.

    And remember: It's never too late to try. For our production of Beauty and the Beast there were a number of Seniors who had never acted before. They just wanted to get one production in because it was their last chance. Don't wait that long if possible. Make as many memories as you can as soon as you can. 

***

    There's certainly more I could talk about, but I feel like this is enough. Don't make the mistakes I did. Do the things that you'll love. And do the hard things even when you want to give in or give up. You'll be happy you did.

    One last word of advice: don't sleep in class if you snore. Just...don't. 

    

    

    

     

    

 

 




 

I Wish I Could Be Nice Without Being Rude

    

    A few days ago I was at my job, pushing carts and helping people load air conditioners into their cars and just doing work related things, when all of a sudden, one of my managers showed up. Her hair was different than usual, and it was very pretty. I nearly told her, "Hey, your hair looks great today", but I caught myself.

    I reeeeeeally wish I could have just said it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I should have been able to casually compliment a co-workers appearance, but nope, that's not the kind of society we live in. Just the day before she had mentioned in a casual conversation that she was engaged, and if I had complimented her hair, it could have been taken as flirting.

    I enjoy being nice to people. Being able to make someone's day, or even just brighten it a little bit, is how I entertain myself. If that sounds like I'm trying to make myself sound super nice or whatever, don't be fooled. I rarely act on my impulses to be genuinely kind.

    Why is that? Well, it's mostly because I'm scared that my attempt to be nice will come off as creepy or make someone uncomfortable. It doesn't matter the gender or the age of the person; if they were born within the past few decades, it's likely that any sort of affection shown towards them might be misunderstood or misconstrued.

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Timmy gave Susie his apple. By the end of the day, everyone had heard that Timmy had been flirting with Susie, and his teacher had him suspended for sexual harassment. 

    Alright, so maybe that's a bit of an overstatement. My point is, as a society, we have become so preoccupied with not offending anyone that we keep all of our cordial remarks to ourselves. 

    Actually, that's not true. There are some people who seem to either be oblivious to the social taboo of genial behavior or they simply decide to ignore it. These people will smile at you even if you didn't tell a joke or anything like that. They will shake your hand or hug you for even if what you just did for them was part of your job. These people will express genuine approval for the actions or appearance of strangers or members of the opposite sex. These people are kind. 

    You know what we call these people? Creeps. Weirdos. Old fashioned.

    Okay, let me back up. "We" don't call people that. We're nice. But a lot of folks - an unfortunately increasing majority of folks - do, in fact, see simple acts of kindness as off-putting.

    In today's society, it is more polite to ignore strangers than to cordially interact with them. An example would be awkward hallway eye contact. You're walking down a ridiculously long hallway, and suddenly someone you are aware of but don't really know appears, and they're headed straight for you!

    I would say the "polite" thing to do in that situation would be saying "Hello!" with a smile, and then continuing on your way. However, while that isn't considered rude to most people, it would be seen as adding unnecessary awkwardness to the situation. Why do that when you can do this?

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    I encounter this situation dozens of times every day at work. If I was allowed to be cheery every once in awhile, I would try to change this social norm. Interacting with people shouldn't be awkward! But somehow, it is.

    I like people. Even though I tend to have a negative view of humanity in general, I like people on a personal level. And when I say "negative view of humanity", I don't mean that I think most people are bad. What I mean is that I think humanity has a tendency to do things specifically to frustrate me and people who think and act like me. You know...cool people.

    Anyway! As I said, I like people. People are usually nice, and when they're not, I like to pretend they are and that they are just in a bad mood. So why can't people like me back?

    I tend to wish I lived in a small town in the 50's or 60's, only with the Internet and without the socially acceptable racism. All the knowledge I have of life in the 50's and 60's I have gained from reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show or the Andy Griffith show. And every one in those shows (except for the occasional "villain") everyone is nice to each other. Like, as a rule of thumb, you treated those you knew with respect and kindness. And you knew everyone, because it was a small town.

    That is my ideal life. It would be so much easier for me to be amicable if I knew that others would be amicable in return if I was. But alas; we receive no such recompense for our actions. An extended handshake or a compliment is more often returned with a confused stare than a similar action. 

    Honestly, I don't know what it is about our culture that makes us this way. I'm not a sociologist. What I do know is that it sucks, and that I wish it wasn't this way, and that I have a blog so I can complain without offering solutions. Hah!

    Anyway, to my manager friend: You're hair is lovely, and that one time you did the special braid thingy, it was especially lovely. Good job!

    There. Now you can fire me and get it over with.
    

What To Do If You're Secretly A Jerk

    

    Forward, photos, captions, and blog by Chris Hickey. Actual article by the brilliant and lovely Kyleen Russell. 

***

    Do you ever think condescending thoughts about people when they're trying their hardest at something? Do you assume mental superiority over someone because of what they wear, listen to, or do for fun? Do you continually find yourself wishing people would just shut up and do it your (clearly superior) way? If you've answered yes to any or all of these questions, than you, dear reader, are probably an asshole jerk.

    Just kidding. What it really means is that you are a sinful human being (or, if you're not religious, it just means you're human and therefore not perfect), and at least you're keeping it to yourself. I hope.

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"I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU! WEIRDOS"

"..."
"I meant, 'You're all really unique in ways that are different than me, and I appreciate that about all of you.'"

    But how do we change, or at least control, these negative thoughts and emotions? How do we stop being secretly horrible people? Or, if we can't and a bad thought slips out for everyone to hear, what can disguise our obviously abhorrent inner attitude?

    I have no idea. Originally, I wrote a list of silly, obviously fake tips on how to be a less horrible person, concluding with the message, "Don't try to fake it; just focus on being better.". However, after reading and rereading what Kyleen wrote, I decided it would be better for her chunk of our coauthored masterpiece to be the main focus, because not only is it wonderfully written, but it also takes a much more contemplative approach to the topic of our inner demons of pride and vulgar frames of mind.

    So, without further ado...

***

    Imagine if your thoughts were amplified for the world to hear.

    How majorly would that suck, right? Oh, how we fear transparency.

    We scramble through the labyrinth that is social tact, pining to appear likable and nice—but let’s face it. Half the time, we say nice things while actually thinking rude, degrading thoughts.

    Externally, you could be the sweetest, most gracious person on the planet, but explore the inner neighborhood of your body, locate the address of your soul and ring the doorbell—you’ll probably be greeted by a chauvinistic smart-ass. Why? Because even the “nicest” people are often mean and rude…at least in the privacy of their head. Even Mother Teresa was probably a bitch.

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Pharisee.

    Wait, what?

    It boils down to human nature; we have rudeness ingrained in our DNA. However, I am in no way condoning this. It would be absurd to nonchalantly accept and be content with all terrible things simply because they’re inherently human. That’s such a cop-out. Like, “Mass genocide and female-genital-mutilation and rape and nuclear wars really suck. But, hey, it’s human nature! We can’t do anything about it. Oh well!”

    But anyways, what is the point of saying something if our thoughts don’t truly align with it? We have grown complacent with our external, insincere kindness and internal rudeness.

    How many times do we give a hollow compliment, simply in hopes of being perceived as a kind person?

    External: “Oh my gosh, you look so great! Where did you get that outfit? It’s terrific!”

    Internal: “Oh my god, is Hellen Keller your stylist? I would never wear that in a million years.

 
    Giving dishonest compliments for the sake of appearing “nice” is…well, not nice.

 
    (And it’s not better to say the offensive thing you’re thinking just for honesty’s sake. The goal is to transform your offensive thought into a genuinely kind thought.)

                                                                                                       image: fit.webmd.com

"Hey dweeb! I like your sweater! It counteracts your lameness!"

Eh...good try.

    How often do we feign concern/sympathy for people and their struggles—simply scraping together some cliché advice and perhaps adding “I’ll totally be praying for you” for good measure—when REALLY we think, “Well, it’s not my fault they’re in this mess. Maybe if they weren't such a retarded crackhead whore they wouldn't have so many issues. Besides, I can’t really do anything to help” and then fail to ACTUALLY pray for them?

    So why do we pretend to be kind? How can we be GENUINE? How can we say loving things and actually mean them sans any hidden rude thoughts?

    Or does the inherent hypocrisy, rudeness, and passive-aggression of mankind conquer everyone—even the people who are seemingly sweet and sincere? Is there a way to synchronize one’s thoughts and words?

                                                                                       image: wannabehacks.co.uk

 
    For people who don’t possess the power of the Holy Spirit, probably not. They can try and try and try and try (times infinity) to overcome their corrupt mind, but they will fail. They can gargle the mantra: “I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad thoughts” in their mouths forever, but they will fail.

    It cannot be accomplished by human strength. However, if we DO know the Holy Spirit, there is a solution; there is hope. Only through the Holy Spirit’s power can we genuinely be kind and rid ourselves of offensive, hypocritical thoughts.

    The Bible tells us to take every thought captive: “We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10: 5 NLV)

    The Bible commands us to think on things that are true, right, and pure. (Philippians 4:8)

    The Bible commands us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12: 1)

    So, I am not writing this to encourage distrust of people who compliment you or listen to your problems. That’s not the point. There are plenty of people who daily, moment-by-moment, ask the Holy Spirit to purify their thoughts and, as a result of that, actually mean the kind things they say. I just want to be one of those people, and you probably do too. Please. Understand that I am NOT promoting cynicism.

    I am simply discussing this because I know for a fact everyone struggles with it, and I want to remind/challenge people to surrender their thoughts to God. The mind is so freaking important.

    Basically, hypocrisy blows.

 
    Perhaps we should try to be genuinely kind.

                                                                                                                              image: farm5.staticflickr.com

Or, if that's too hard, you can always just live as a nomad. If there's no people around, how can you be mean to anyone?
Oh, who am I kidding. You're human. You'll find a way.

A Letter To Myself of a Few Hours Ago Before My Revelation On Forgiveness

    To Chris,

    As a male, I am an expert at doing stupid things. Specifically, doing stupid things for the attention of females. It doesn't even need to be the kind of attention that possibly implies any sort of romantic feeling; any sort of female attention is good attention as long as they aren't making fun.

    Actually, we'll usually settle for making fun as long as girls acknowledge us.

                                                                                                image: tokitali.blogspot.com

"Ha ha, they NOTICED me!"

    However, I personally refuse to chalk it up to "hormones" or "pheromones", or even the ever so popular "underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex". As unwise as these factors may make young males such as myself, they are no excuse for when we do harmful or hurtful things. 

    As a human being, I am capable of making my own choices, stupid or otherwise. Despite what the occasional dirt bag scientist will tell you, we are not governed completely by biological and environmental impulses. This explanation is a completely intentional dumbing down of the wonderfully complex and mysterious system that is the human consciousness.

    When I've done something that accidentally offends someone, to try and blow it off by saying something like, "What can I say? I'm a guy! I do dumb things. But I'm sorry, I suppose." is a disgustingly sleazy way of attempting to escape the responsibility of owning up to my bad decision. 

    But what happens when you have no idea how deeply you've offended someone? What do you do if your attempted apology fails to suffice? 

                                                         image: roblang.photoshelter.com

And no, fleeing the country is not an option. You're obviously missing the point here.

    Do you hide? Do you avoid contact with this person and cut yourself off from them? Imagine running into this person at a party or some other social event. How awkward would that be? 

    You could always pretend nothing happened, right? Next time you see them, just smile, ask them what's up, and then pretend you don't know what they're grouchy about. To complement this, there's a neat trick where you pull every person aside that you both know and ask them, "What's up with so and so? They seem upset about something. I'm worried about them." That way you distance yourself from the possibility of being involved, AND you seem like you legitimately care to everyone else, so that if the hammer falls and your dispute becomes public, there will more likely be some people to side with you. 

    In case there are actually some people who might try this in a similar scenario, I'd like everyone to be fully aware of the sarcasm I'm attempting to imply. THESE ARE NOT ACTUALLY GOOD IDEAS, AND THEY WILL MAKE YOU INTO A WORSE PERSON.

    No, what you should do is accept that there will be consequences to your actions, even if you think they are unfair. No amount of scheming will completely cover up the hurt and shame of whatever incident you were involved in. Plus, you'll know, and if you're a decent person (which I'm sure you are), you will feel like an ass every time you are reminded of the person you've offended.

                                                      image: therisetothetop.com

    So you were a jerk. You now realize that, and you've apologized. That's pretty much the most you can do. Sure, you can go all out trying extra special hard to please this person, but you know what? That's not you. That's not what you were, and that's not what you want your relationship to be like: A constant struggle to make up for an offense that you may not completely understand until the end of time.

    Instead of trying to be satisfied with your mediocre apology, and in an attempt to avoid a life of guilt and groveling, what you should do is actually apologize to the person. This is different than saying, "I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" 

    An actual apology is done in person. An actual apology explains your actions without making excuses. An actual apology is done not out of shame but out of humility and an actual desire for reconciliation. An actual apology does not assume a clean slate, but is an offer to try and rekindle what you had before the offense was committed. 

    So get on that, you twerp. I'm tired of feeling awful about myself.

    Sincerely,

    An Enlightened You (From the Future!)

 

Relationships: We're Doing 'Em Wrong

                                                     image: some girl on Tumblr

Protip: Try not to equate wisdom with being a whore.

    For the women who read this article: Welcome to a special, inside view of how a guys mind works.

    I imagine I think about relationships the way most guys with vaguely similar personalities do. Or, even if they don't think like me at all, they would definitely understand where I'm coming from...maybe. Well...no.

    Okay, this is completely, 100% me. I won't try and validate my opinions by having the audacity to assume they are in any way popular amongst my gender. I guess I wish people agreed with me on this topic, but I have no idea if they do.

    Now that I think about it, most guys probably haven't even thought about this stuff nearly as in depth as I have. They probably think it's kinda lame.

    But it's my blog, so they can stuff it. 

Why I Believe Relationships Are WAY More Difficult Than They Need To Be: A Rant

    Whether you're a Christian or not, most people tend to live in the delusion that there is only ONE person in the entire world that they are destined to be with. For some, it is a crippling limitation in their search for their "soul mate". For others, it's an excuse to jump from relationship to relationship to, "Are you kidding me? I saw that you two were just Facebook official like, literally an hour ago. Get it together."

    Why do we do this? Heck if I know. I'm not a sociologist. My best guess is it's because of the movies we see where the hero and heroine always end up together no matter what. It's like they've found some sort of a pattern that the viewing public always buys into...nah.

    We see that the lead characters are meant to be together before they do, and then they get together, and we're all like, "Well, DUH. They were so obviously meant to be." We all wish for our lives to be a Nicholas Sparks movie, but without the tragic (read: canned) separation that is thrown in give the story some semblance of drama.

                                                                 image: cdn.thegloss.com

    But what does that mean, "meant to be"? Well, I'll look at it from the standpoint I know: The Christian one. Pretty much every Christian I know would say something about God making us for someone special. "God made somebody for you." 

    This may be true, technically, but it is dramatically oversimplifying the matter. God planned everything from the beginning. However, since we do not have a timeless perspective or eternity, for all intents and purposes this knowledge means nothing.

    To us, there are millions of options, and we have to find one that we will eventually decide is the best match. We get no hints as to who it is God wants us to be with. Even if our search for love is being divinely influenced, only an incredibly lucky few get any obvious indication of it.

     For the sake of practicality, it makes more sense to assume that God has a preference as to who you end up marrying, but if you marry someone you are completely incompatible with, He'll work around it. Now, let's take this assumption and run with it.

    Most average people have a notion that they want to get married someday. It's just what people do. In cultures across the globe, marriage is practiced in various forms. Even if you're not religious, you probably want to get married just...because. The thought of having one person on whom you can always rely, with whom you can share everything, and someone you know you will have to love you forever is very appealing.

                                                                                   image: twofootcreative.com

And for the rest of us, it's a chance to eat expensive food and get drunk at your (or rather, your parent's) expense, while trying to tell ourselves we aren't at all jealous of your happiness.

    "So, what's this got to do with dating? I mean, it's just dating, right? It's just for fun, while we're young." Right. Because convincing yourself you're "in love" with a dozen guys, and forcing yourself to endure emotional trauma after emotional trauma is soooo much fun. 

    No! The purpose of dating, unless you're a clueless sop or a slut, is to find who you're going to marry, and then marry them. Sure, the first relationship is often times a practice run, and I can totally understand that. You need to find out what you like from the opposite sex in a relationship.

    What I can't understand is when people get into a relationship, and let it get super serious, knowing full well that the person they are with has dated three other people that year and isn't planning on going to college  anywhere near them, and doesn't agree with them politically or spiritually about anything, and on and on and on...

    You're setting yourself up for failure! Why? And if you say, "Because he's really a sweet guy, he just needs the right girl.", then sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you had this break up coming from a mile away.

    Never go into a dating relationship with someone you kinda like but hardly know, or with someone you know doesn't agree with you on issues that you deem incredibly important or anything like that. It's a waste of time for both of you. It will not work.

                                                            image: thelandscapeoflearning.com

If you have to use this on Facebook, not only is your relationship complicated, it's doomed.

    Again, there is absolutely no point in dating someone if you aren't completely committed to making it last. That's another reason why I hate when people, teenagers especially, use the, "It wasn't meant to be" excuse. They use it to justify a break-up that happened because of a disagreement that ended poorly.

    Honestly, I think every single couple should have a fight, or at least a major disagreement of some kind before they can consider themselves in a serious relationship. Sadly, many people who were well suited for one another have broken up because they couldn't handle disagreeing with each other.

    Really? That's your deal breaker? How immature do you have to be to expect that love is as easy as avoiding tough subjects when they come up? If you've been dating for a year and only now are realizing that your boyfriend wants to marry you, but doesn't want kids, and you do...that's messed up.

    That should have come up awhile ago. When people get afraid of talking about marriage until way later in their relationship, then there could be a subject that will make or break the relationship that you are just avoiding, prolonging the inevitable collapse.

    It may seem difficult, but discussing exactly what your views on dating, marriage, and life in general at the beginning of a relationship could save you from a ton of strife later on down the road.

    Now, back to what I was originally complaining about. There isn't just one person out there waiting for you. That's like finding a needle in a stack of a million needles, where some needles look better than others, some are coated in poison, and others look small and shiny but are actually incredibly heavy kinda dull.

    Not the best analogy, I know, but I tried. What I'm getting at here is that when we search for one perfect person, we are passing up a ton of viable candidates.

    When attempting to find a potential lover, there are really two things to look for: Attraction and compatibility. That's it. There is no magic to it, and that should be relieving, not depressing. Love can be magical, but it doesn't have to be impossible.
 
    Let's start with attraction. This should not be constricted to simply physical attraction. You can be attracted to someone's personality long before you even notice that they also happen to be kinda cute.

    This sort of attraction is crucial. If you are dating somebody simply because you find them attractive, you're an idiot. I'm sorry, but it's true. There's probably no future in that relationship. Although if you're the kind of person who dates someone because you think they're hot, you probably don't care that you are acting like a jerk.

                                                    image: examiner.com

Whenever I hear a girl complain about a boy being shallow or mean, I assume the guy looks like this, and that he is mentally deficient in some way. Is that redundant? 

    Secondly, there's compatibility. You should be able to discover whether you and your potential bf or gf are even kind of compatible before you start dating, but if not, compatibility issues should become apparent fairly quickly. 

    You have a dog that you cherish as a family member, and they are not only allergic, but they also hate dogs? Incompatible.

    They have plans to travel the world, and you would like to stay in one place and raise a family from one house? Incompatible.

    You're religious and they're an atheist, and they occasionally make subtle mocking comments about your faith, and refuse to talk with you about it? Incompatible?

    You're a decent human being, and they look like this?

    Incompatible.

    Here's the thing about compatibility, though: It can change. If you are a teenage girl dating an otherwise wonderful guy, but you want kids and he doesn't, I am in no way suggesting you throw him under the bus. You should carry on, and if things get serious, then revisit the issue. The weighty, life altering issues are important to discuss early on, but only in a hypothetical setting. 

    The reason you can disagree about something huge and still have hope for it working out is because love changes people. In a solid relationship, both people are willing to sacrifice for the other person. However, you know what you can and can't live without. You know what you need from your significant other, and you know what you are willing to give up for them.

    That is why it is on you to make what you have work. You are surrounded by wonderful people of the opposite sex who would make a nearly 100% match down the road. The reason you don't see it is because right now they are only an 80% or maybe a bit more. You have to find a close fit, and then both of you have to work at it until you've sanded the rough parts. There are no perfect fits. Simple as that. Sorry.

    "Alright Chris, that's sound advice. I mean, some of it sounds a tad extreme, but I know you occasionally speak hyperbolically. So what comes next? Isn't this good? Now that you know what has been going wrong, can't you fix it, if not globally, then at least amongst the people you know?"

    Not a chance. I would love to put this theory into practice, to just go up to one of my female friends whom I find attractive and say, "Hey! We're pretty good friends, and I find you to be very beautiful, and I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me? There's no commitment here. It's not a proposal, and it's not confession of undying love. I just want to buy you a ticket to a movie, and have the two of us hang out together. I'd like to get to know you better, and if this goes further, than sweet, and if not, that's okay too."

    That would be wonderful. If she agrees, than I know there's one thing I can add to the compatibility list: She's pragmatic. However, there's a factor that cannot be removed from the equation no matter how hard anyone tries. That factor is drama.

                                                                              image: winchburghdramagroup.moonfruit.co.uk

No, not that kind of drama!

    Drama ruins everything. Drama is unnecessary turmoil added to an already precarious situation. Even if I asked a girl out like that, and she said yes, drama would be caused because we would both have doubts. 

    For me it would be, "Okay, so what is she actually expecting out of this? Does she understand that if I decide not to go on another date with her, it's not a personal shot, I just decided we weren't compatible? Will she take it the wrong way? Is she doing this because she feels sorry for me? What if I mess this up? What if we date for awhile, but it gets really messy and ruins everything? Will that disprove my theory? 

    For her it will be, "What the hell did I just get myself into?"

    I kid, I kid. Sorta. Anyway, I guess here is where I end the rant. I've expressed my frustrations, my proposed solutions, and my further frustrations at the fact that there will be no solution enacted. 

    I'm stuck with the system we're in, and it pisses me off. Anyway, ladies, I'm available, and as you've read, I will probably be the most transparent guy you'll ever meet, so...