I Wish I Could Be Nice Without Being Rude

    

    A few days ago I was at my job, pushing carts and helping people load air conditioners into their cars and just doing work related things, when all of a sudden, one of my managers showed up. Her hair was different than usual, and it was very pretty. I nearly told her, "Hey, your hair looks great today", but I caught myself.

    I reeeeeeally wish I could have just said it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I should have been able to casually compliment a co-workers appearance, but nope, that's not the kind of society we live in. Just the day before she had mentioned in a casual conversation that she was engaged, and if I had complimented her hair, it could have been taken as flirting.

    I enjoy being nice to people. Being able to make someone's day, or even just brighten it a little bit, is how I entertain myself. If that sounds like I'm trying to make myself sound super nice or whatever, don't be fooled. I rarely act on my impulses to be genuinely kind.

    Why is that? Well, it's mostly because I'm scared that my attempt to be nice will come off as creepy or make someone uncomfortable. It doesn't matter the gender or the age of the person; if they were born within the past few decades, it's likely that any sort of affection shown towards them might be misunderstood or misconstrued.

                                                                                               image: faithfullnibbles.wordpress.com

Timmy gave Susie his apple. By the end of the day, everyone had heard that Timmy had been flirting with Susie, and his teacher had him suspended for sexual harassment. 

    Alright, so maybe that's a bit of an overstatement. My point is, as a society, we have become so preoccupied with not offending anyone that we keep all of our cordial remarks to ourselves. 

    Actually, that's not true. There are some people who seem to either be oblivious to the social taboo of genial behavior or they simply decide to ignore it. These people will smile at you even if you didn't tell a joke or anything like that. They will shake your hand or hug you for even if what you just did for them was part of your job. These people will express genuine approval for the actions or appearance of strangers or members of the opposite sex. These people are kind. 

    You know what we call these people? Creeps. Weirdos. Old fashioned.

    Okay, let me back up. "We" don't call people that. We're nice. But a lot of folks - an unfortunately increasing majority of folks - do, in fact, see simple acts of kindness as off-putting.

    In today's society, it is more polite to ignore strangers than to cordially interact with them. An example would be awkward hallway eye contact. You're walking down a ridiculously long hallway, and suddenly someone you are aware of but don't really know appears, and they're headed straight for you!

    I would say the "polite" thing to do in that situation would be saying "Hello!" with a smile, and then continuing on your way. However, while that isn't considered rude to most people, it would be seen as adding unnecessary awkwardness to the situation. Why do that when you can do this?

                                                                                         image: awkwardrules.net

    I encounter this situation dozens of times every day at work. If I was allowed to be cheery every once in awhile, I would try to change this social norm. Interacting with people shouldn't be awkward! But somehow, it is.

    I like people. Even though I tend to have a negative view of humanity in general, I like people on a personal level. And when I say "negative view of humanity", I don't mean that I think most people are bad. What I mean is that I think humanity has a tendency to do things specifically to frustrate me and people who think and act like me. You know...cool people.

    Anyway! As I said, I like people. People are usually nice, and when they're not, I like to pretend they are and that they are just in a bad mood. So why can't people like me back?

    I tend to wish I lived in a small town in the 50's or 60's, only with the Internet and without the socially acceptable racism. All the knowledge I have of life in the 50's and 60's I have gained from reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show or the Andy Griffith show. And every one in those shows (except for the occasional "villain") everyone is nice to each other. Like, as a rule of thumb, you treated those you knew with respect and kindness. And you knew everyone, because it was a small town.

    That is my ideal life. It would be so much easier for me to be amicable if I knew that others would be amicable in return if I was. But alas; we receive no such recompense for our actions. An extended handshake or a compliment is more often returned with a confused stare than a similar action. 

    Honestly, I don't know what it is about our culture that makes us this way. I'm not a sociologist. What I do know is that it sucks, and that I wish it wasn't this way, and that I have a blog so I can complain without offering solutions. Hah!

    Anyway, to my manager friend: You're hair is lovely, and that one time you did the special braid thingy, it was especially lovely. Good job!

    There. Now you can fire me and get it over with.