A Letter To Myself of a Few Hours Ago Before My Revelation On Forgiveness

    To Chris,

    As a male, I am an expert at doing stupid things. Specifically, doing stupid things for the attention of females. It doesn't even need to be the kind of attention that possibly implies any sort of romantic feeling; any sort of female attention is good attention as long as they aren't making fun.

    Actually, we'll usually settle for making fun as long as girls acknowledge us.

                                                                                                image: tokitali.blogspot.com

"Ha ha, they NOTICED me!"

    However, I personally refuse to chalk it up to "hormones" or "pheromones", or even the ever so popular "underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex". As unwise as these factors may make young males such as myself, they are no excuse for when we do harmful or hurtful things. 

    As a human being, I am capable of making my own choices, stupid or otherwise. Despite what the occasional dirt bag scientist will tell you, we are not governed completely by biological and environmental impulses. This explanation is a completely intentional dumbing down of the wonderfully complex and mysterious system that is the human consciousness.

    When I've done something that accidentally offends someone, to try and blow it off by saying something like, "What can I say? I'm a guy! I do dumb things. But I'm sorry, I suppose." is a disgustingly sleazy way of attempting to escape the responsibility of owning up to my bad decision. 

    But what happens when you have no idea how deeply you've offended someone? What do you do if your attempted apology fails to suffice? 

                                                         image: roblang.photoshelter.com

And no, fleeing the country is not an option. You're obviously missing the point here.

    Do you hide? Do you avoid contact with this person and cut yourself off from them? Imagine running into this person at a party or some other social event. How awkward would that be? 

    You could always pretend nothing happened, right? Next time you see them, just smile, ask them what's up, and then pretend you don't know what they're grouchy about. To complement this, there's a neat trick where you pull every person aside that you both know and ask them, "What's up with so and so? They seem upset about something. I'm worried about them." That way you distance yourself from the possibility of being involved, AND you seem like you legitimately care to everyone else, so that if the hammer falls and your dispute becomes public, there will more likely be some people to side with you. 

    In case there are actually some people who might try this in a similar scenario, I'd like everyone to be fully aware of the sarcasm I'm attempting to imply. THESE ARE NOT ACTUALLY GOOD IDEAS, AND THEY WILL MAKE YOU INTO A WORSE PERSON.

    No, what you should do is accept that there will be consequences to your actions, even if you think they are unfair. No amount of scheming will completely cover up the hurt and shame of whatever incident you were involved in. Plus, you'll know, and if you're a decent person (which I'm sure you are), you will feel like an ass every time you are reminded of the person you've offended.

                                                      image: therisetothetop.com

    So you were a jerk. You now realize that, and you've apologized. That's pretty much the most you can do. Sure, you can go all out trying extra special hard to please this person, but you know what? That's not you. That's not what you were, and that's not what you want your relationship to be like: A constant struggle to make up for an offense that you may not completely understand until the end of time.

    Instead of trying to be satisfied with your mediocre apology, and in an attempt to avoid a life of guilt and groveling, what you should do is actually apologize to the person. This is different than saying, "I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" 

    An actual apology is done in person. An actual apology explains your actions without making excuses. An actual apology is done not out of shame but out of humility and an actual desire for reconciliation. An actual apology does not assume a clean slate, but is an offer to try and rekindle what you had before the offense was committed. 

    So get on that, you twerp. I'm tired of feeling awful about myself.

    Sincerely,

    An Enlightened You (From the Future!)