Beauty and the Beast: The Most Upsetting "Love" Story Ever Told

   
     My school recently put on a performance of Beauty and the Beast, in which I played the role of Cogsworth, the British clock person. I loved every second of it. In fact, I loved it so much, I was fighting through tears through the entire last show. As a senior in high school, the knowledge that it was my very last high school performance was hard to deal with. So, instead of accepting that it is over, and that it was a beautiful way to go out, and embracing the fond memories I have, I've decided to smear the entire story. 
    
    It's a coping tactic. I've found that insulting things that I love is a great way to hide from my feelings. You see, it creates an emotional gap that...well, never mind. Here are all the things about Beauty and the Beast that I find uncomfortable, dumb, or otherwise negative in any fashion. Because I am a sad, lonely man with post-performing arts depression.

    

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. It's not you, it's me.

   The messages in this movie are all wrong for children

    
    I talked a lot with my fellow cast members about this, and we came up with quite a few backwards and just outright immoral messages told in this story.

   

    1. It's o.k. to stay in an abusive relationship, on the off chance the other person might become less terrible 

    
    The Beast is abusive. There is no disputing that fact. In the first scene he is in with other characters, all of his servants show terror at the thought he might be upset with them. Why? It is not simply fear for their guest. No, even the young child, Chip, asks the question, "Should we hide, mama?" 

    This youngster truly realizes what the audience members tend not to completely grasp...they are all in danger. Meaning? The Beast will hurt them for disobeying him. Chip knows it, all the enchanted objects know it. Any psychiatrist who saw that kind of a reaction from a child when in the presence of one of their authority figures would assume abuse of some kind.

    
    Besides what he has done to his servants in the past, he is verbally and nearly physically abusive to Belle. When she first arrives, she sees her father for what she must assume is the last time, then is yelled at and ordered about. So now she's already traumatized. Simply yelling at her the way The Beast does would be considered verbal abuse, but consider her horrible circumstances. 

    He later threatens to drag her by her hair and even shoves her to the ground (in the movie he takes a swing at her, actually trying to strike her with his massive strength and razor sharp claws). That goes beyond being a bully. He not only feels the need to exert power over her, but for her to submit to him.

He is in no way attempting to be threatening right there. Not at all.

    Now, in that last situation, he is immediately guilty over what he did. Does that make it better? Not even kind of. However, Disney glosses over all that by telling little girls that big scary guys are really all soft and cuddly on the inside. 
    

    2. If someone tries to hurt you, if you kill them, everything gets better immediately

    
    This is a problem I have with a lot of movies, but right now I'm just picking on this specific Disney classic. Gaston invades the Beasts home and tries to murder him. That is bad. The Beast had every right to kill him in self defense. I have no problem with that message. 

    What I find unsettling is that Gaston dies, a bunch of villagers are presumably injured or even killed in the fight, along with many of the servants (Lets face it, one or two brooms were probably snapped in half during the scuffle, some cups got smashed, you know how it goes), but what do they do afterwards? They go get dressed up again and go dancing and singing and having a party. We aren't shown the aftermath of the violence. 

Nooooo...ooooone...dies like Gaston! Oh, too soon?

    Admittedly, there is no police force to report the incident to, as far as we can see, but wouldn't they have to do something? In the movie, Gaston falls into one of the conveniently placed crevices that always seem to be at the end of Disney movies. Now, no one has to go down and get his body, that's up to the townsfolk to do that, but still. Won't the townspeople be upset that the monster they thought was going to eat their children has killed their hero?            
    
    Sure, he's all Fabio-ish now, but this is France in the 17th or 18th century. For them, the logical conclusion is that he is a shape-shifting, child-eating, hero-murdering monster. The castle will probably either be under siege for a long time once the villagers flee and get reinforcements from their nearest feudal lord or whatever. 

    The only way I can see that the Beast will get away with this is he kills everyone, so that there is no one to go back and tell what happened. That will leave the town with no men to protect them or work their fields or raise their children. Yay?
    
    What I'm trying to get at is where there is death and violence, happy endings are not that easy. Sure, Belle maybe would have been able to convince the townsfolk to leave them be when she explains the whole story to them, but that scene is never showed. All the children see is Gaston being killed, the Beast being transformed, and then everything is happy. 
    

    3. It is possible to change someone in a weekend 

    
    Yes. The whole musical happens in about 3 days, starting from the first scene. At least the play version does. Belle's father leaves, ends up at the castle. Maybe the next day, probably the same day, Belle finds out and goes looking for him. Belle arrives at the castle, her father is sent away. 

Honestly, no one should be allowed in the woods. Ever. Just turn the village into The Village, you know what I mean?

    Let's assume it's been about a day and a half at this point. She sulks in her room for awhile, and the Beast shows up and threatens her. She then leaves her room, is served a "meal" in which she eats almost nothing. 

    Then she goes on a tour, goes to the west wing, gets physically abused, and runs away (finally). That same night she gets attacked by wolves, gets saved, and brings her savior back. She fixes him up, he does his best to win her over by giving her his library and then she asks him to dinner the next night (that night?). 

    They have dinner, dance, and then she leaves to find her father. She finds him that same night, brings him to town, then the townsfolk try to lock him up. She shows them The Beast, they go to kill him, that same night. There's a fight, Gaston dies, everyone lives happily ever after. Two, maybe three days, tops.
    
    What does Belle do to win The Beast's affections? Well, she's pretty. He falls in "love" with her from just seeing her, before she does anything other than yell at him. This spoiled brat of a man is suddenly transformed into a caring, sweet, and gentleman simply because she stops yelling at him and reads him a book.
    
    Girls: If a guy is a total prick all the time, and is suddenly super nice to you after you bat your eyelashes at him, then he hasn't changed. He's actually just putting on an act. Nobody changes that fast. It's impossible. Sorry.

Then again, how can you not fall in love with that face?

    

    4. Ugly mean people are ugly because they're mean, and if you fix their meanness, than they will be pretty again 

    
    As far as I know, guys care more about physical appearance in a partner than girls do. I'm not saying girls don't care about attractive guys (a quick trip to any teenage girls Pintrest will show you how wrong that is), but listen to me for a second. It is WAY more common to see a pretty or downright gorgeous girl with a fairly boring looking guy than it is to see a super handsome guy with some girl who is...meh. It isn't because guys are necessarily more shallow than girls, it's just that guys generally make more of an effort to get to know girls they deem attractive, meaning they will probably find an attractive girl with the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual requirements before one who is not as attractive. 

   
    Meaning what, exactly? I'm not trying to say it is completely unbelievable that a pretty girl would fall in love with the ugly guy. I just want to make that clear ahead of time. But that is not what happens in this story. 

    Belle falls in love with a creature, not the supermodel he turns into. And that is alright, because the message is supposed to be about inner beauty. Somehow she managed to make a violent maniac into a guy worth loving, and she would have been happy with him the way he was. That is the message they try to make.
    
    But then he goes from that incredibly ugly creature to...this.

Yes. This. What...what exactly is this? 

    I have been informed by many of my female friends that this handsome devil is not, in fact, handsome at all. Leaving me to conclude logically that he is simply the devil. But clearly the designers intended him to be handsome. SOME people think he's handsome. The point of him turning into a babe is supposed to be an allegory for inner beauty. Get it? Cause inside he's beautiful. Right? Hahaha...ha. 

    
    Wait, no! That's not how real life works! If you find someone has "inner beauty", that says nothing about their potential for being outwardly attractive. You could be the nicest person in the whole world. You could be courteous, a good listener, talented, and just in general likable and lovable, but if you don't do something to try and make yourself look decent, you aren't going to attract the opposite sex. 

    In general. That isn't always true. But realistically, Beast wouldn't have a chance. 

"I'm sorry, Beast. I've always seen you as more of...a really good friend." 

    5. Because someone is a prideful prick, they are evil. 

    
    Gaston would be a truly unfortunate individual to encounter. He honestly thinks he is the best because he is physically superior to everyone else. He values women based off of their attractiveness. He treats his sidekick like crap. He's ignorant and proud of it. 

    

   In what way does any of that make him worse than the Beast. He has pride issues. He rules through fear. He "falls in love" with Belle because she's a pretty girl, and sends the enchantress away because she was ugly. He treats his servants like crap. He never bothered learning to read, even though he obviously could have had one of his hundreds of servants teach him.

    What I'm trying to get at is that they both suck. Neither of them have personalities that repulse Belle. The reason Belle falls for the beast is because he saves her from the wolves right after he nearly assaulted her.

A big, strong male figure steps in to save the helpless female? Real progressive, Disney.

    So can you honestly tell me this story wouldn't have changed if Belle had just given Gaston a chance? Even if his priorities aren't in the right place, she obviously could have fixed him. If she could change the Beast in a few days from an immature, brutal monster into a self-sacrificing, gentle, and genuinely caring shemale...

I'm sorry. He looks like a woman with a really strong jawline. And a flat chest.

    ...then she can turn a guy who is actively pursuing a relationship with her before committing a felony into a loving husband. Apparently, just like Black Widow, her super powers are her looks. 

Also, guns. And Belle doesn't even need those! Why isn't she in The Avengers?

    Also, the whole plot to put her dad in the looney bin never would have happened. Instead of replacing her dad, she could have gone back to town, and returned to the castle with reinforcements. Gaston would get to look like a hero for saving her dad, and they'd live out their statistically short lives in their small French village. 

    So Gaston would get what he wants, and Belle wouldn't. Oh well. That's life. You can't always get what you want. 

    The one really sinister thing Gaston does is he plots to put her father in the Maison Des Lunes, the apparently horrible insane asylum, which is run by the evil Monsieur D'Arque, who's name alone would be enough to put him on an FBI watch-list.

    Anyway, the "evil" masters decide that if Belle turns down Gaston's proposal again, then they will put her father Maurice in the place for crazy people. How cruel and evil! They have no reason to believe that he is the slightest bit touched in the head! And even if he was, that asylum is no place for a delusional man.

    Actually, that's exactly the place for a delusional man.

6. Insane people are actually all nice, and we shouldn't treat them any different. 

    I know I just offended some people. That's ok. Let me explain.

    Maurice may or may not be slightly crazy...

It's really up in the air. 

    ...but either way, everyone in the town would be justified to think that he was. He's old. He's suffering after the loss of his wife. He thinks he's a genius, but more likely than not he's just creative and good with tools. Everyone already believes he's a little bit loopy.

    Then he actually goes off the deep end. He bursts into the pub late at night after being missing for a day or two, grabbing people and shouting in their faces. He goes on and on about a monster abducting his daughter. He continues to describe it in great deal, then says something about talking clocks. 

    If they had police, they would have called them up and had him spend a night in the local jail to see if he would sober up or detox, to see if that changed his story. If not, they would have placed him under psychiatric care, which in this context, unfortunately, is the Maison Des Lunes.

    Had Belle not come back, he would have inevitably ended up there at some point. All his symptoms pointed to some form of psychosis. He was experiencing what appeared to be hallucinations, obsessive behavior, and impairments in social cognition. Sadly, the things he was saying were true, and his lack of social graces would probably show in anyone who had lost their spouse were now afraid they might lose their only child.

    However tragic his circumstances, the townsfolk would have had no choice but to lock him up. For all they knew, his condition may have worsened and he might have become a danger to the townsfolk and their children. They couldn't risk having a madman on the loose. 

    The reason I take offense to Disney setting the scene this way is it makes it appear as if taking precautions in the presence of a psychotic person is mean. How do you know that they're not telling the truth? If a man with a knife, who is running around in his underwear screaming that he is the second coming of Jesus and wants you to come with him because he has to show you his spaceship, why not believe him? 

    Mental illness is a touchy subject, and I am by no means saying that all people with any form of it are  dangerous lunatics. I'm simply saying the subject should be treated with care, and that in the movie, the townsfolk had every reason to be worried for him and even possibly fear him. 

He comes for your soul.

Am I reading to much into this?

    Absolutely I am. Again, I love this story. It brings tears to my eyes even now when I think about all the good times I had while involved with the story. The characters are fun, the music is amazing, the love story is beautiful. On the surface. 

    Now, children only see the surface. They only see the fun characters, and not their dark sides. They love the music. Many truly believe that it is the greatest love story ever told. Now, as a reasoning adult I can peel back that first layer of shiny goodness and peer at the overall context of it. 

    Does this make me cynical and jaded? Possibly. Does it ruin all good stories for me forever? No. It can't. No amount of cold, clinical analyzation of this story will ever stop the flood of emotion that hits me every time I hear the song "Tale as Old as Time." No amount of sympathizing with Gaston will stop me from cheering for the Beast during the final fight. Never will my skepticism at the change of the Beasts heart stop me from empathizing with him when he lets Belle go. 

    I learned long ago that to enjoy a children's story, I must have the attitude of a child. I need to be able break my hardened heart and learn to enjoy the little things. I poke fun because I enjoy poking fun, I nitpick because I am a nitpicky person, but I love it. 

Besides, if these songs are going to be stuck in my head forever, I might as well enjoy them, right?

    

     

Now I Know Why I Started This Blog

    I am almost 18. I don't have my drivers license. I haven't taken my ACT. I haven't applied for any colleges. I don't have a job. Prom is in a few weeks, and I don't have my tux. Nothing in my life is sorted.

    And that's all my fault. I get that. I didn't start growing up fast enough, and now it's catching up with me.

    I could have had my license if I'd have just practiced a bit more, but I've taken the test multiple times, and I was unprepared each time. Except the fourth time. I was ready. I got out of school early, did some practice driving, took the better car (instead of my dads junk heap), and psyched myself up. Except I didn't account for dumb luck. Some guy ignored my right-of-way at an uncontrolled intersection, and my instructor yelled "STOP!", even as I was in the process of stopping. Apparently, that's a fail. Now I have to arrange 6 hours of behind the wheel before I take the test again.

    I take the ACT next week. I should have last year, with the rest of my class, but my laziness got in the way. I never signed up for any prep classes. I never signed up for the real thing. Now, it's literally my last chance before college, and I'm not prepared, because again, I was lazy.

    The main reason I haven't applied for college is because I have yet to take my ACT. As soon as I've done that, I intend to apply at a community college near my house. I have my college plan all set up, I just have to be able to start it.

    I don't have a job because I'm a lazy, useless turd who can't imagine himself being constrained to a life of labor. Honestly. I wish I had a job. I wish I had money, and a way to spend my time doing something worthwhile. But the process of getting one...getting a resume, getting references, applying, interviews, handling rejection. The concept of all of that is a lot to deal with.

    Here's what pisses me off. In other cultures, you are an adult when you kill your first lion. Or when you get married, usually at a young age. Or maybe as soon as you can work, you do what your father or mother does, and then you're an adult. In America? Nobody has a clue when childhood ends and adulthood begins.

    Legally, at 18, you're an adult. You can vote. You can be tried in court as an adult. Other than that? If they want, your parents can still house you. You can still be under their insurance. They can kick you out, but they don't have to.

    Most people stay with their parents for another year or two, working or going to college or both. They eat their food, sometimes use their cars, use their medical plan. But before all this there are the teenage years. Those are the most confusing.

    Until the 50's, there was no such thing as a teenager. It really is the worst of all American inventions, next to the Sham-WOW! and asbestos. It creates this period of time where people who are physically able to be adults, but not quite emotionally able to, are expected to be...nothing. Everyone has different expectations from them.

    Biologically, you are a young adult from puberty till around the age of 25. That's when you are fully developed mentally, and for the most part, physically. But socially, our standards are FUBAR. People treat teens with so little respect. They see them as rebellious, fickle, over-emotional, naive, unreliable, and the list goes on.

    But who can blame us, really? We don't know who we are! Back in the day, you knew who you were from the get-go. You were a farmer because that's what your dad was. Maybe once you made some money and could sell the land, you could be something else, but until then, you were gonna grow wheat and you wouldn't complain, because it was honest work.

    Or maybe you were a shoemaker, or a church worker, or a doctor, or whatever. Point is, people didn't have these identity crises. Now there are roughly five years of our lives with varying expectations, and we don't know what to do with them. Some party, some join political movements, some just keep their heads down and trudge through high school.

    I look at some of my friends who got jobs handed to them. They work at their churches because they are involved there in some way, and it all worked out. Or they work for their parents or family friend in some fashion. Either way, they didn't go job searching, they just were given a decent job.

    I have other friends who have jobs, but their cars and phones and college are all paid for, and that won't change for the foreseeable future, so they get to blow their money however they want. They don't even have to work. They only do to fund their teenage escapades, and they seem to enjoy what they do.

    I have other friends who will have to pay for everything, and they work their butts off, naturally. These people usually also work very hard in school, so they generally have a hard time fitting in time for friends in their busy schedule. I see them and think, "I don't want that! If that is what work is like, it's not worth it!"

    Point is, nobody has any correct way to live their teenage life modeled for them by their peers, because everyone has different expectations!

    And it all gets worse once you hit 18. If you're 17 and don't have a job, that's not a huge deal most of the time. Most people have their licenses, but again, if they have friends that can drive them, they don't have to stress it to much. Most have college planned at this point, but some intend to work for a few years before college.

    17 is an awkward transitional phase because right when you hit 18, the pressure is ON. You don't have a job and you're an adult? What a lazy, ungrateful runt you turned out to be. You're using your parents car and your an adult? What, are you going to live in their basement for the rest of your life as well? You don't know where you're going to college and you're an adult? Have fun working at McDonalds forever, you uneducated filth.

    Wait a minute, hold up! It's been a day since I was a child, right? I don't feel like an adult. In fact, I don't feel much different from when I was 16, let alone from a couple days ago! Why are the standards different now?

    The thing is, we know it's coming. I've known this was coming since I was able to grasp how time and aging works. I knew at some point, I wouldn't be a child anymore. That I would have to be responsible. That I wouldn't get a life of leisure.

    There's a problem, though. I messed up. I messed up big, and I don't get to try again. Ideally, there would be a slightly gradual shift from childhood to adulthood. It would maybe start with getting my license. I can drive, yay! I'm independent! Then getting a job. I have money, yay! I'm even more independent! Then doing the ACT, and getting ready for college. Whoa, higher education! I get to choose where to go and what to do with my life, I'm independent!

    That's another thing. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to let teenagers/young adults choose what they want to do for the rest of their life? Again, back in the day, that wasn't really an option. Even those who did go to college usually went to do what their father did, or whatever was profitable.

    Now there are thousands of options, and no matter which one you choose, not only are you guaranteed it will cost you to much to learn, but there is no guarantee it will do you any good. And you are letting people who have not physiologically developed the ability to think ahead and make good decisions base their future financial and emotional well being on...what? Which school has the best party scene but also offers them a liberal arts degree?

NO! THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! THIS SYSTEM MAJORLY SUCKS!

    Anyway, back to how I messed up my whole life. I didn't test the waters. I didn't gradually adjust m psyche to the concept of being independent and self-reliant. My parents tried. I love them so much, because they tried. They sent me to drivers ed fairly early on, but I dragged out my 10 classes over nearly a year. I never studied for the test, and it took me 3 tries to get my permit. Then I dragged out behind the wheel tests for even longer.

    Why? I don't have a freaking clue. I guess lack of forethought and a deeply rooted urge to procrastinate. I don't know where that came from, I really don't. Anyway, the story goes on. I procrastinated on taking my license test, I never practiced driving, and now, here I am, a few weeks from my senior prom and unable to drive my date. It's humiliating, but I have no one to blame but myself. 

    Same goes for my ACT. I had options. I had so many times available. My parents continued pressuring me, and that turned me off from the whole concept.

    You see, I don't respond well to being told to do anything. It's not that I'm a rebel, it's just that I like to do things at my own pace. If I have something that absolutely has to be done, I'll eventually get to it. But tell me, "You have to do this now!" when I clearly don't have to do it now, I put it off, just to show you that you're wrong. I don't have to do it now, silly. Look, I'll do it later, it'll work out.

    Except it won't. Because now, here I am, a month and a half from turning 18, just now having the epiphany that I have completely and totally wasted my life. I never strove to be anything more than a kid, and soon I won't be, and I won't have a single freaking clue how to be anything greater. 

    And don't bother telling me, "It's not so bad. Just do it. You're possibly just a few days away from a job! You just have to crack down, and put your mind to it, and you'll be fine!"

    Technically, yes, that's true. I get that. That's the whole point! I know what I have to do, but I dread it. 

    My mom was just in my room a few hours ago, watching me write a silly blog post about Beauty and the Beast. She sat and nagged me about doing more with my life for about 5 minutes. I curled up into my protective mental shell, only ever responding with non-committal grunts. Eventually, she left, leaving me with the remark, "It's just scary for a mother to see her son being so comfortable."

    I understand that. She wants me to succeed. She'd be happy with me having a one day a week job. She'd be happy with me doing literally anything, as long as I'm applying myself and getting paid for it. That's why she pushes me so very, very often to get off my butt and do something. 

    "Here's what's scarier", I wanted to say. "What's scarier is standing on the beach in the sun, knowing that you can delay diving into the frigid water for a short while longer, but at some point in the near future, you are either going to take the plunge, or be forced in from behind. You haven't taken your swimming lessons. You haven't been exercising. And you certainly haven't been preparing for the cold. But you will have to take the swim, one way or another, and the worst part is, you can't see the other side. All you know is that right now, you are comfortable and happy, but any day now, you will being swimming, and you will be swimming for what seems like forever."

    Of course I didn't say that. That sounds like poetic BS, and I'd want to punch someone in the face if they said that to me. It sounds overly dramatic and silly. Honestly though, it describes how I feel, and how I've felt for a long time. I keep delaying being responsible because I know as soon as I begin, I leave the beach and begin the long journey that is the rest of my life.

    That scares me. A lot.

    The thing is, that was when I realized why I started this blog. It isn't because I have any great aspirations of making money off of it, although someday that could hypothetically happen. It isn't because it's a great medium for me to express myself, although it is that. It's not even because I have people who enjoy reading it, although I do. It's because it helps me escape. While I'm writing here, everything else seems to fade away. It gives me a purposeless purpose, if that makes any sense at all. 

    I understand why teenagers are so depressed all the time. It isn't simply because of our hormones messing with our emotions. It's the stress. The stress of school for some. Also the stress of relationships for many others. For me?  It's the stress of the future. I'm not ignorant. I know what I've done wrong, what I'm doing wrong, and what I can do to change it.

    I've always been afraid of heights. People who enjoy climbing up high are not right in the head as far as I'm concerned. There is nothing happy about knowing there is nothing but a rope or a fence between you and imminent death. So maybe that's part of my problem. I'm standing on the edge, about to dive, but there is always that single step...