Random Confessions #1

    This is a thing I plan on doing semi-regularly now. Enjoy.

    - Whenever I hear someone say, "My friend lost their *insert person here*", referring to a death, I have to fight the urge to say, "Well I hope they find them again."

    - I had a crush on Emma Watson when Prisoner of Azkaban came out, and now every time I watch that movie I feel awkward because she looks so much younger. 

    - I convinced my cousin's three and four year old sons that dogs were cats, cats were dogs, red was blue, and blue was red. They were very confused for a few hours after that until she set them straight.

    - I should be studying right now. 

    - I hate bacon, cheesecake, and any yogurt or Jell-o with fruit chunks in them. Yet, somehow, I'm still overweight. 

    - I have, on multiple occasions, eaten an entire bag of Lays sour cream and onion potato chips in one night. Oh, that's how I'm still overweight. 

    - I think Call of Duty is an exceptional franchise, despite it's apparent lack of innovation. 

    - I still cry when I watch the end of The Return of the King.

    - I have a nearly crippling phobia of worms that developed my sophomore year while working on a project that required me to study and find pictures of various phyla of worms. I had never had a problem with them before then. I practically have a panic attack when I look at pictures of them.

    - I often eat cereal right out of the box for lunch instead of making myself lunch, and I'm not in any way ashamed of it.

    - I think most sports are kinda dumb.

    - I assume everyone who is anti-gun, pro-abortion, and pro-socialized healthcare is less intelligent than me. I'm aware that sounds arrogant, but I still think it's true. 

    - I failed my permit test twice before getting it right the third time. I blame my driving school, where all we did was listen to some old guy read to us from the MN State Driving Booklet for an hour, and watch videos from the 80's. 

    - I steal pencils all the time. I haven't used a single one of my own pencils in school since the beginning of my senior year. I never start with the intention of stealing them, but if I borrow them for awhile and people don't ask for them back, they're as good as mine.

    - If you would have asked me less than two years ago what I thought about blogging, I would have told you it's pretentious and lame. 

    - I still kinda think blogging is pretentious and lame. Except for the good ones.

I Done Goofed

    I sincerely apologize for deleting any comments from my blog. I wasn't offended by them, nor do I intend to make a habit of deleting comments. Ever. However, I thought I was simply removing the notification that a comment had been posted, when in fact I was deleting the comments themselves.

    I'm still not used to getting comments on this blog, and this is the first time I've ever really looked back through all of them at once. I promise that it will not happen again, and if you feel it's necessary, you can re-post your comment, should you remember it.

    As an apology gift, here's a video of a baby laughing hysterically. Whenever I watch this when I'm upset, I start to feel better immediately.

    Have a good day.

Why My Mother Is The BEST Mother

    This Mother's Day I did not get my mother anything. I'm not entirely sure why. It never crossed my mind until today that it was coming up, and even though I didn't really have anything going on today, I still didn't go out and get anything.

    She was understandably upset. I hope she knows it wasn't out of spite or some sort of willful act of defiance against her that I didn't get anything, it just...go away from me this year.

    I've never really put effort into Mother's Day before. My sister has always been the one who figures out what to get, and we usually go half and half on the price. That's and half and half of money that my mother gave to us in the first place, at least until recently.

    This year my sister asked if I wanted to do that again, but I told her that because I didn't have any money, I'd have to pass and that I'd get her something myself. The very next day I was planning on going to a movie with some of my friends, but I had no money, so my mom gave me WAY more than I needed, because she loves me and wanted me to have a good time.

    About half of that money is still in my wallet, when it should be in the cashier of a jewelry store or an ornament shop or a candle store or any one of the dozens of places I've gotten her cute, cheap items over the years that remind her that even though I don't have money to spend or a knack for picking presents, I still love her enough to go and find something that I think she will enjoy. I didn't do that this year because of laziness and a lack of foresight.

    So, in a pitiful attempt to make up for what I've done, I'm writing this through tears of shame when I should be going to bed, because I'll be damned if it reaches midnight and Mother's Day ends before I give my mother a truly heartfelt present for once in my miserable life.

    Mom, you may not see this until after Mother's Day, and you may be going to bed right now feeling unappreciated,  but once you do finally see this I want you to know that nothing could be farther from the truth. Millions of other women would have given up on me years ago, and I realize that. I'll be the luckiest man alive if I can ever find a wife who takes care of me and loves me even a percentage of how well and how much you do.

    You know when I'm feeling sad or sick or angry or upset, and you also know when I need to be pushed and motivated. I'm not exactly known for my ability to kick myself into gear and get things done, but when you see me sitting around and doing nothing when I should be doing something, you let me know.

    Of course, I don't often act appreciative when you do that. I tend to be grouchy and ungrateful in the moment, but whenever I finish doing something satisfying or something that simply needed to be done, 99 out of 100 times I look back and remember that you were the one who told me I needed to do it. So I thank you for that.

     I thank you for the hundreds of thousands of times you've forgiven me when I've gone and messed something up, and the (probably) billions of times that you've cleaned up after a mess of mine that I'm not even conscious of. I'm one of the most forgetful people I know, and I've seen that I frustrate you, but you keep forgiving me over and over and over again.

    That right there - that love that you show me when I haven't yet done anything to deserve it - is probably the best example of God's love that anyone has ever or will ever show me. Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." 

    That's how I see you, mom. Lord knows I don't deserve your love, but you freely give it. And I have no idea why. Hopefully I'll be a parent someday so that I can understand where that kind of love stems from. And I know that you hope that I have a kid as obnoxious and difficult as I am to you so that I'll understand how hard loving me is for you. 

    Mom, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry that I didn't get you anything this year for Mother's Day. Normally this is where I'd say something cynical, like how Mother's Day is simply fabricated by greeting card companies to get our money, or how the candle I got you last year probably is still in a drawer somewhere, but I won't. Well, I just did. But that's not the point.

    What I will say is that I would never, and will never love you any less. If I had known that you wanted something so badly I would have blown all the money that you gave me the other day on something silly and beautiful that either smelled good, was shiny, or would sit in your garden, because I know that those are things you like.

    I also know that this blog post can't replace any of those things, but I feel that buying you a creepy little garden gnome or something a day late would be even more tactless than I already have been, so I'm going to end here. Basically what I'm trying to get at is that I love you, and if it will make you happy, I will get you two creepy little garden gnomes for Mother's Day next year.

    But you'll probably have to remind me. Sorry.