A Crash Course in Christian Apologetics Part 1: The Universe, Infinity, and You

    Before I start, I'd like to give a shout out to two men who are inspirations to me. William Lane Craig has authored many books, but one in particular, "On Guard", has inspired me to write this series. Practically everything I'm going to write about is covered in much greater detail in "On Guard", which is probably the single greatest tool a modern Christian apologist can utilize for the defense of his faith. So thank you, Bill Craig, for making this possible. He has a website at http://www.reasonablefaith.org/. You should check it out.

                                                  image: reasonablefaith.org

Also, you should check out his winning smile. 

    The other man is one I know personally, and is one of the wisest, wittiest, and most wonderful men I know. He's been a guide to me for the better part of three years, and is a man I'm proud to call my friend. I choose not to name him because right now I haven't asked his permission, but he knows who he is. He was one of my teachers at my high school, Concordia Academy. He became aware of my interest in apologetics, and gave me a new copy of "On Guard", which I proceeded to devour (not literally) and I am much the wiser for having done so. So thank you.
   

***

    What is apologetics? Why should I, a Christian, apologize for my faith? That seems really stupid and somewhat hypocritical, does it not? If I need to apologize for my faith, why should I believe it in the first place. Apologizing implies you believe a wrong has been committed, doesn't it?

    Well, although Christians should apologize for some folks who claim to be Christian (*cough* WBC!!! *cough cough*), we should not apologize in the sense of saying, "Sorry that I'm a Christian. I know it's not politically correct to acknowledge my faith, but I'm supposed to now and again, so I'm sorry."

    That's bull. Be PROUD of your faith. Stand up for it. Preach it everywhere, because you are commanded to by God.

    The term "apologitics" that I speak of actually comes closer to the original meaning of the Greek word apologia than the the way the word "apologize" is used in today's vernacular. It means "Defense", as in a court of law. Apologetics is, put simply, the defense of a belief.

    Alright, so this is where the actual apologizing part begins. Fasten your seat belts, you're in for a potentially mind numbing learning experience. I've discovered that people are either fascinated by these topics or bored by them. So, without further ado, here it goes. My first real attempt at defending the Christian faith. Oh boy.

    The Universe: Why, and how, is it here?
 
    The Universe exists. This is a fact that we must all accept. Sure, you can say that the universe is a dream we all share, and that when we wake up, we'll die. Or you could stop taking LSD and start thinking rationally.

    You might say, "How can you know that for sure? There is no real truth, after all, truth is relative!" To you I say, with no small amount of exasperation, "Is that true?"

                                                              Image: My camera

This is Mr. Bugs. His brain is working better than yours, and it is literally non-existent. 

    For you to accept any of the arguments I'm going to put forth, you must first be a rational, logically thinking person. The argument I will present will be in propositional form, or modus tollens,  that is to say that they will be a series of premises followed by a conclusion that, if the premises are proven true, must itself be true as well.

     My main argument is known as the Kalam Cosmological Argument. I put it in italics so you would pay attention to it. It is incredibly simple, easy to follow and understand, and is therefore quite popular. It goes like this:

     1. Everything that begins to exist has a cause
     2. The universe began to exist.
     3. Therefore, the universe has a cause.

    I will give evidence to support both premise 1 and premise 2, and if I am successful, than logically, the conclusion, or premise 3, must be true. Also, I will add on an additional argument to the Kalam, which I call The Extended Implications of the Kalam Cosmological Argument. 

                                                              Image: theosophical.wordpress.com

I know, I know. It's not exactly fine poetry.
Stop looking at me like that.

    (I am NOT a professional philosopher, nor am I in any way a master in the school of logic, so it may not be academically sound, but it makes sense to me. Plus, this is not necessarily an academic writing. It's a blog post by a teenager with in interest in philosophy. Cut me some slack.)

    My argument goes something like this:

     1. Time, Space, and a finite amount of energy (or power) are features of the universe.
     2. The universe has a cause.
     3. All causes transcend their effect.
     4. Therefore, the cause of the universe must transcend Time, Space, and have an infinite amount of energy, i.e. be all powerful.

    Read one after another, the premises of the Kalam argument and my own follow in this order:

     1. Everything that begins to exist has a cause.
     2. The universe began to exist.
     3. Time, Space, and a finite amount of energy (or power) are all features of this universe.
     4. Given premise 1 and 2, the universe has a cause.
     5. All causes transcend their effect.
     6. Given premises 3 and 5, the cause stated in premise 4 must transcend Time, Space, and have an infinite amount of energy, i.e.be all powerful.

    You see? Simple stuff.

    Defense of the first premise of the Kalam Cosmological Argument: An argument from self-evidentiality  

    Ex nihilo nihil fit. Nothing comes from nothing.

    The first premise actually is simple stuff. It seems so unbelievably obvious, yet there are those who would deny it. I call these people "irrationals". They are often very nice people, even sometimes very smart people, but this one belief makes them seem slightly crazy to everyone they know who grasps basic logic.

    Try to imagine nothing. You can't, because nothing is literally no thing. Simply by imagining anything at all, you've imagined something. The closest you could probably come to is a vacuum, and a vacuum is not nothing.

Pictured: Not nothing. 

    So, since nothingness has no attributes with which to create, we must therefore assume nothing can come from "it", if we can even call nothingness an it. I doubt very much that anyone who is actually in a search for the truth about the universe will disagree with the apparent self-evidentiality of premise one. If you do, all bets are off.

    Defense of the second premise of the Kalam Cosmological Argument: The defense from infinity, and the defense from the Big Bang

    I'm going to give only 2 defenses for premise 2. The first one is kinda mathy, and the second one is kinda sciencey. Both should be enough, in and of themselves, to prove that the universe began to exist at some point.

    My first argument is the argument from infinity. I've found a way to word it in modus tollens, so I will, because I LOVE this argument layout. It is simplicity itself, yet so potent for proposing ideas. Anyway...

     1. Actually infinite constructs are impossible in reality
     2. The universe is a construct that exists in reality
     3. Therefore, the universe cannot be infinite

    Understanding premise one of this defense requires an understanding of the difference between potential infinity and actual infinity. And, when it comes down to it, the difference is one of brackets. A potentially infinite sequence would be this: 1, 2, 3, 4,...

    That sequence is infinite, because there is no real end to how for you could go. You can take the highest number you can think of, add 1, and boom! An even higher number comes into existence. You can do that to infinity.

    Conversely, you can remove any one of those numbers from anywhere on the list, and it will still be infinite. Say you remove the number 164,284,645,347,343,782. You still have an infinity of other numbers in the list.You could remove every even number from the list, from two onward, and still have an infinite amount of odd numbers.

    That's all cool stuff as a hypothetical practice, but as an actual, physical reality, infinity is obviously impossible. Take those same numbers, and place them in a set {1, 2, 3, 4,...}. This set is impossible. Why? Because we have just shown that the sequence 1, 2, 3, 4,.... goes on forever, and therefore cannot be contained in a set. It is an actual impossibility to place a second bracket on the end, because the end cannot exist.

    Placing bookends on any infinite set removes its infinite status. Now imagine those brackets as the constraints of time or matter. The observable universe has an estimated 10 to the 80th atoms. Remove one atom, and how many do you have? You have 10 to the 80th minus one. No matter how many atoms you have, if you subtract from that number, you will have less than before.

    "But matter cannot be created or destroyed, so your example is invalid!" Fine. I'll use a classical example to prove the logical incoherency of actual infinity. It's a classic thought experiment called Hilbert's Hotel, developed by David Hilbert, the German mathematician.

    Imagine a hotel with an infinite number of rooms, and every one is full. Someone comes to the front desk and says, "Hey, I'd like to rent a room for the night." The man at the desk says, "Actually, we're full. But if you wait a moment, I can free up a spot for you. I'll let you move into room one, and have everyone else move one room over."

                                                                                image: englishcentral.com

Yes? No, wait...yes. NO! Is this a trick question? 

    You could conceivably do this even when adding another infinite number of guests. No, I'm serious. Hear me out. If the people in room two move to room four, and the people in room three move to room six, and the people in four move to room eight, and so on into infinity, then every guest would be in an even numbered room, leaving an infinite number of odd rooms for the new group of infinite guests to move into. 

    So far, it seems fine, right? As confusing as it is, it all makes a certain kind of sense. Until everyone accept the people in rooms one and two move out. Then you have subtracted infinity from infinity and gotten two. In case you were wondering, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! If a mathematician tried to subtract two identical quantities and come up with nonidentical results, he'd simply be wrong. Not because of some arbitrary rules imposed by "the man", but because that's how the universe works.

    If infinity is impossible in actuality, then that means time cannot be infinite. Time is an actual thing. It must have started somewhere. After all, if the universe began at a time infinitely in the past, we wouldn't be in the time we are currently in. Why? Well, we wouldn't be here yet because there would still be an infinite amount of time between the past and the present. 

    Besides, we have solid scientific evidence that all of space and time began with a singularity somewhere around 13.7 billion years ago. There's cosmic background radiation, the cosmic red-shift in stars, and then there is the Borde-Guth-Vilenkin theorem. 

    This last theorem comes up a lot when discussing the idea of a finite past. I looked it up; most of it is beyond me. However, in essence what it says is that ANY universe (or collection of universes for those of you who hold to M-Theory or the many worlds hypothesis) that is expanding must have a finite past. 

    (Oh, and by the way, the concept of space expanding from the Big Bang is definitely more complicated than it sounds. Space did not expand outward into nothingness. Instead, there was nothing, and then there was everything, and then everything itself expanded itself. Think of galaxies and all other stuff in space as little dots on the outside of an expanding balloon. They will appear to be moving apart, when in fact it is the area around them expanding...)

Sorry. 

    The implications of the funny sounding theorem from before is that no matter what, the universe had a beginning. That is, given it's correct. It's a highly contested and controversial theorem, but the same could be said about literally every single theory put forth in an attempt to explain the origins of the universe. 

    Which is why, as I wind up these arguments, I'd ask you to do more research into these topics yourself. All I've done here is present the best evidence I have found for the argument for existence that seems to make the most sense. It's up to you to decide for yourself where you think the truth lies. 

    But remember, there is only ONE truth...you either know it or you know a lie. Truth is constant, how we interpret it is subjective.

    Summary: Premise One and Premise Two are valid...

    ....so therefore, the universe had a cause.

    My own individual points seem to be as self evident as premise one. If our universe does in fact have a cause, this cause must have qualities that transcend those of the universe. If this were not true, then you could just say the universe created itself. 

    Does this prove Christianity? Certainly not. It does support intelligent design, that is to say, the theory that "Some features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected force such as natural selection. 

    Of course, nothing I've spoken of here touches on natural selection. That is a completely unrelated, yet highly contentious topic. Which is why you should join me next time for...

    A Crash Course in Christian Apologetics Part 2: Is Evolution Believable, and What Does it Mean in Relation to Christianity? 

    

Why "Lasts" Sucks: The Feels

    I just graduated from high school. This is crazy. I'm excited and terrified and overjoyed and incredibly sad. However, this mix of emotions is not new to me. I felt this when I moved for the first time. I felt this when I left my last school. I felt like this when the school before that closed.

    The emotions I described -- sad but also happy, excited and scared -- are indicative of a higher, more profound emotion. Allie Brosh described a similar emotion in her article "Depression Part Two", an emotion called "crying".

    During a bout of depression, she found herself crying about nothing in particular, and that she was just sad for the sake of being sad, and that she couldn't help it. "I call this emotion 'crying' and not 'sadness' because that's all it really was. Just crying for the sake of crying. My brain had partially learned how to be sad again, but it took the feeling out for a joy ride before it had learned how to use the brakes or steer."
 
    She ended up just sitting on her kitchen crying about nothing. But she tells her story better. Go read her article. It's wonderful and beautiful and amazing.

                                                                                     image: hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com 

                                                               Property of Allie Brosh

    Since apparently bloggers get to make up new emotions, my emotion would probably be called "Lasts". Lasts is an emotion you feel when you know you are going to experience or are experiencing something for the very last time.

    It could be something you love or something you hate, but either way, if you're consciously aware that it is going to happen or is currently happening, you're going to get the Lasts.

    If you just experienced  something awful for the last time, like when you hand in a final test for a class you hated, you're going to feel mostly happy. However, there will be a twinge of sadness, because everything good that happened in that class, no matter how small it was, is now gone.

    When you finish that class, the positive experiences, like when you pranked the teacher with your friends, or when you got partnered with that really cute girl for that one difficult group project, will be left behind in that room without you. Sure, you'll have memories, but there is something significant about the physical. Places, objects, people...these are all things that make experiences more real, even when they're over.

    However, a good friend of mine told me that you cannot prolong the positive by moping. The often times negative nostalgia that comes with Lasts is never conducive to anything. You may be confused and upset, but that means the only thing left for you to do is to press on and try to experience something new, exciting, and lovely.

                                                               Image: wannabehacks.co.uk

I hear blogging is a great medium for self-expression. Also,  it will be around as long as the Internet, so there's that.

    Now, I realize better than most that you cannot simply chose to not feel something. Sure, you can put up walls and try to hide behind them, but the emotions will still be there. Waiting. Watching. Hungering.

    But it's not all that bad, really! What I've come to realize is that the sadder you feel about something ending, the more awesome it truly was while it happened. Those little twinges of melancholy you feel when something ended that you thought you'd be happy about? That's your subconscious reminding you that it wasn't all complete suckage.

    So I guess, in a way, you can prolong the positive, if not by moping, then by remembering. Because those experiences are never truly gone. I mean, in a literal sense, yes, they are. Time travel is most likely impossible without irreparably damaging the fabric of space-time.

    That's not what I meant though. We can relive those past experiences in our heads with out memories. We can reminisce with our friends. We can cry on their shoulders and laugh out loud around campfires and we can shamelessly embellish our old stories to our children and their children.

    Embrace the feeling of Lasts, because after all, all endings are simply preludes to great beginnings.

 

Dedicated to Concordia Academy's Graduating Class of 2013

Remember Who You Are
 

Random Confessions #1

    This is a thing I plan on doing semi-regularly now. Enjoy.

    - Whenever I hear someone say, "My friend lost their *insert person here*", referring to a death, I have to fight the urge to say, "Well I hope they find them again."

    - I had a crush on Emma Watson when Prisoner of Azkaban came out, and now every time I watch that movie I feel awkward because she looks so much younger. 

    - I convinced my cousin's three and four year old sons that dogs were cats, cats were dogs, red was blue, and blue was red. They were very confused for a few hours after that until she set them straight.

    - I should be studying right now. 

    - I hate bacon, cheesecake, and any yogurt or Jell-o with fruit chunks in them. Yet, somehow, I'm still overweight. 

    - I have, on multiple occasions, eaten an entire bag of Lays sour cream and onion potato chips in one night. Oh, that's how I'm still overweight. 

    - I think Call of Duty is an exceptional franchise, despite it's apparent lack of innovation. 

    - I still cry when I watch the end of The Return of the King.

    - I have a nearly crippling phobia of worms that developed my sophomore year while working on a project that required me to study and find pictures of various phyla of worms. I had never had a problem with them before then. I practically have a panic attack when I look at pictures of them.

    - I often eat cereal right out of the box for lunch instead of making myself lunch, and I'm not in any way ashamed of it.

    - I think most sports are kinda dumb.

    - I assume everyone who is anti-gun, pro-abortion, and pro-socialized healthcare is less intelligent than me. I'm aware that sounds arrogant, but I still think it's true. 

    - I failed my permit test twice before getting it right the third time. I blame my driving school, where all we did was listen to some old guy read to us from the MN State Driving Booklet for an hour, and watch videos from the 80's. 

    - I steal pencils all the time. I haven't used a single one of my own pencils in school since the beginning of my senior year. I never start with the intention of stealing them, but if I borrow them for awhile and people don't ask for them back, they're as good as mine.

    - If you would have asked me less than two years ago what I thought about blogging, I would have told you it's pretentious and lame. 

    - I still kinda think blogging is pretentious and lame. Except for the good ones.

I Done Goofed

    I sincerely apologize for deleting any comments from my blog. I wasn't offended by them, nor do I intend to make a habit of deleting comments. Ever. However, I thought I was simply removing the notification that a comment had been posted, when in fact I was deleting the comments themselves.

    I'm still not used to getting comments on this blog, and this is the first time I've ever really looked back through all of them at once. I promise that it will not happen again, and if you feel it's necessary, you can re-post your comment, should you remember it.

    As an apology gift, here's a video of a baby laughing hysterically. Whenever I watch this when I'm upset, I start to feel better immediately.

    Have a good day.

Why My Mother Is The BEST Mother

    This Mother's Day I did not get my mother anything. I'm not entirely sure why. It never crossed my mind until today that it was coming up, and even though I didn't really have anything going on today, I still didn't go out and get anything.

    She was understandably upset. I hope she knows it wasn't out of spite or some sort of willful act of defiance against her that I didn't get anything, it just...go away from me this year.

    I've never really put effort into Mother's Day before. My sister has always been the one who figures out what to get, and we usually go half and half on the price. That's and half and half of money that my mother gave to us in the first place, at least until recently.

    This year my sister asked if I wanted to do that again, but I told her that because I didn't have any money, I'd have to pass and that I'd get her something myself. The very next day I was planning on going to a movie with some of my friends, but I had no money, so my mom gave me WAY more than I needed, because she loves me and wanted me to have a good time.

    About half of that money is still in my wallet, when it should be in the cashier of a jewelry store or an ornament shop or a candle store or any one of the dozens of places I've gotten her cute, cheap items over the years that remind her that even though I don't have money to spend or a knack for picking presents, I still love her enough to go and find something that I think she will enjoy. I didn't do that this year because of laziness and a lack of foresight.

    So, in a pitiful attempt to make up for what I've done, I'm writing this through tears of shame when I should be going to bed, because I'll be damned if it reaches midnight and Mother's Day ends before I give my mother a truly heartfelt present for once in my miserable life.

    Mom, you may not see this until after Mother's Day, and you may be going to bed right now feeling unappreciated,  but once you do finally see this I want you to know that nothing could be farther from the truth. Millions of other women would have given up on me years ago, and I realize that. I'll be the luckiest man alive if I can ever find a wife who takes care of me and loves me even a percentage of how well and how much you do.

    You know when I'm feeling sad or sick or angry or upset, and you also know when I need to be pushed and motivated. I'm not exactly known for my ability to kick myself into gear and get things done, but when you see me sitting around and doing nothing when I should be doing something, you let me know.

    Of course, I don't often act appreciative when you do that. I tend to be grouchy and ungrateful in the moment, but whenever I finish doing something satisfying or something that simply needed to be done, 99 out of 100 times I look back and remember that you were the one who told me I needed to do it. So I thank you for that.

     I thank you for the hundreds of thousands of times you've forgiven me when I've gone and messed something up, and the (probably) billions of times that you've cleaned up after a mess of mine that I'm not even conscious of. I'm one of the most forgetful people I know, and I've seen that I frustrate you, but you keep forgiving me over and over and over again.

    That right there - that love that you show me when I haven't yet done anything to deserve it - is probably the best example of God's love that anyone has ever or will ever show me. Psalm 86:15 "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." 

    That's how I see you, mom. Lord knows I don't deserve your love, but you freely give it. And I have no idea why. Hopefully I'll be a parent someday so that I can understand where that kind of love stems from. And I know that you hope that I have a kid as obnoxious and difficult as I am to you so that I'll understand how hard loving me is for you. 

    Mom, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry that I didn't get you anything this year for Mother's Day. Normally this is where I'd say something cynical, like how Mother's Day is simply fabricated by greeting card companies to get our money, or how the candle I got you last year probably is still in a drawer somewhere, but I won't. Well, I just did. But that's not the point.

    What I will say is that I would never, and will never love you any less. If I had known that you wanted something so badly I would have blown all the money that you gave me the other day on something silly and beautiful that either smelled good, was shiny, or would sit in your garden, because I know that those are things you like.

    I also know that this blog post can't replace any of those things, but I feel that buying you a creepy little garden gnome or something a day late would be even more tactless than I already have been, so I'm going to end here. Basically what I'm trying to get at is that I love you, and if it will make you happy, I will get you two creepy little garden gnomes for Mother's Day next year.

    But you'll probably have to remind me. Sorry.

The Light That Conquers Darkness

    Why do we fear the dark? Are we afraid of dark things? No, it isn’t the color or form of darkness that is unsettling to us. It is what darkness represents that terrifies us. The Darkness is everything unknown.

    When something can be seen, it can be understood, it can be classified, it exists. But where there is Darkness, not just anything, but everything we don’t know is within. Every conceivable manifestation of evil that dare not reveal itself for fear of becoming known, and therefore losing it’s power. Every unspeakable future. Every mistake, every unconscious sin. Every demon, ghoul, ghost, or other monster is RIGHT THERE, waiting to take you, just out of sight.

    It’s just out of reach, but while you can’t see it, it can see you. And without the light, you are powerless to stop it.
                                                                 

* * *

    “Time for bed, sweetheart!” called The Mother from the stairwell. The Child did not look up from his game. He had been pulled too deeply into the haunting world within. The monsters were coming for his character, who had bravely stayed to fight them while his platoon escaped.

    “Aw, can’t I stay up, mommy?” Although The Child was in sixth grade, and by his reckoning far too old to be calling his mom “mommy”, he knew it helped portray him as endearing and innocent, and that usually played in his favor. “Just one more chapter! Pleeeeease?”

    The Mother considered it. She found it so touching when he called her mommy. It brought up memories of the years that had past by. Her little boy was growing up so fast.  At least he wasn't playing any of those dreadful games like that Grand Theft Auto that she'd heard about. “Alright, but don’t stay up too late, a turn the lights off when you come to bed.”

    No response. “Did you hear me?? she called.

    “Yeah, I will. Goodnight.” “Love you, sweetheart.” She returned to her room, Two hours and 3 lives later, The Child finished, mortified. He’d never been more terrified to turn a corner in all his life, and that fear kept returning over and over again. He'd never seen entrails before, and if he never did again, he'd be the happiest bot in the world.

    The monsters had done terrible things, and the game had ended the story without a satisfying conclusion. The hero ended it by saying something about how they would never escape, and how death finds everyone in the end. Then it had shown a dark corridor, zooming slowly in, and then a hulking shadow had flashed by in the darkness.

    And then it was just...over. The Child shuddered and turned off the console. He could imagine what it would be like to have one of the monsters come up behind him, to wrap it’s hands around his neck and squeeze...

    He spun around, terrified, and fell off the couch. The only light in the room was the tall, reading lamp, which spread long shadows across the room. He then realized that if he were to make it to his room alive, he’d need a strategy. Directly in front of him were the stairs, but the kitchen was to his right, and just past the stairs, the den, where The Father kept all the books. Everywhere else in the house was Dark. There was no light coming from the top of the stairs, meaning the upstairs hall lights were off as well.

    Every second he was in that Darkness was another second closer to those hands grasping his wrist and pulling, or those teeth burrowing themselves into his neck, or that tendril wrapping itself around his ankle and dragging him. Dragging him to the basement, where all evil resides, and slamming the door shut. Forever.

    “Oh please, don’t hurt me, please, please, please...” he whispered at The Darkness. It’s answer came in the form of abject nothingness, which The Child took to mean, “Your soul is as good as ours. We shall feast on you for eternity.” The Child began to cry. It was all too much for him to bear. It seemed like mere minutes ago he was talking to his mommy, and now he was sure he would never hear her voice again. If only he had gone to bed when she had told him, he wouldn’t be alone down here with The Darkness.

    She would have protected him, walking him to his room and tucking him in. There she would have prayed with him and kissed him on the forehead, and left his night light on for him...the night light! That was what he needed. It was his only chance.

    Getting there was the only problem. “Strategy, I need strategy.” he murmured to himself. He could most likely reach the light in the kitchen with a reasonable degree of safety. That way he would have a light to his back as he flicked the switch for the upstairs hall light. Once he illuminated the upstairs hall, he would turn off the kitchen light, leaving only the living room light. Once that was off, it would be a mad dash to the stairs. It was risky, but it was his only chance.

    He ran to the kitchen light, little feet pounding the hard wood floor. He turned on the light just as the shadow figure emerging from the cabinet stood to it’s feet. As the brilliance of the light illuminated the room, it shrunk back, retreating to it’s home underneath the sink. Feeling confident, he went towards the front door, where the light switch for the upstairs light sat in the wall next to the switch for the porch light.

    When he flicked on the light on the upper floor, and it’s brilliance cascaded down towards him. He glanced out the glass window on the door, and saw shadows moving across the lawn. He flicked the porch light, and they scattered across the street, where he could see eyes looking back at him with hatred.

    Another wave of fear hit him, and he decided it might be better to leave that light on after all. Now that he had upper defenses, it was time to do as his mother had asked, and turn off the lights. He slowly made his way towards the living room.

    The light seemed much less bright now. There was a small spot of Darkness in the far corner, underneath the end table of the adjacent couch. It seemed like The Darkness as encroaching upon the light from the lamp, reaching out and absorbing all the happiness and mirth that the light might bring.

    Just then, the kitchen light winked out. He whirled on the spot, staring into the blackness that moments ago had been safe and welcoming. What could have turned off the light? Whatever it was, it had come from the darkest corner of the universe to this house, for no other purpose than to feast on his flesh. In his mind, that was a fact.

    He turned and sprinted up the stairs, his entire being focused on one goal: reaching his room and the safety of his night light. He ran up the stairs on all fours, like a mad dog, kicking his legs out behind him blindly at whomever or whatever may have been there.

    His mother’s request that he turn out the lights was forgotten, and if he had remembered, he most likely would have raged at her for asking him to do something so dangerous. Against his better judgement, when he reached the top of the stairs, he turned and glanced back at The Darkness. It stared back at him, leering and licking it’s unseen lips.

    Then, to his abject horror, one of the shapes emerged from the gloom. It was a pale corpse, covered in the rot and rancid decay of one hundred thousand years. It was the monster from the game he had been playing! It had come to life to get him one last time!

    The abomination grinned up at him, revealing gleaming white tombstones, which ironically reflected light back up at him. The Child stared at this creature from The Darkness for what seemed like an eternity. He was so gripped by panic, he dared not even twitch for fear of being taken.

    This ghoul was a manifestation of the horror of every generation since the beginning of man. Just as the hero in his game had lamented, the boy knew all life inevitably led to death. The body would become nothing more than a grotesque shell, mocking that God which had made people in His image.

    In this moment, the boy started to question whether or not this apparition was real, or if perhaps he was in a nightmare, soon to be awoken by his father, who would gently shake him awake. He was just beginning to hope that this was not a reality when the spectre slowly raised one arm, and pointed it’s bony finger at him and spoke.

    It’s voice was like old wood, cracking from being bent out of shape by some never ending storm, yet it boomed out, and The Child was sure it would awaken his parents. “Flee. Run back to your room, with your lights and your covers. Sleep, if you can. But know this: while you cannot see us, we reign beneath you.

    "We never sleep, we only wait. You cannot escape us. We will devour you and all who live in the light. The universe is ever spiraling closer and closer to the eternal darkness of non-existence. WE SHALL RULE IN...”

    But it's message or horror fell on deaf ears, for the child was gone. When he reached his room, he slammed his door, flicked on his light, and lept into his bed. His room was instantly aglow, and he flung himself into his pillow and sighed with relief.

    After a time, he pulled himself together and began preparing himself for bed. While changing into his pajamas, he kept staring at the crack under his door, praying the hall light did not go out. It didn't. He left his room, surrounded by the fluorescence that came from the hall, bathroom, and bedroom bulbs. After brushing his teeth, he returned to his room, turned on his night light, and turned off the main light.

    His room was illuminated by a cheery orange glow. Satisfied that there were no shadows large enough to hide the monsters he had seen on the lower level, he crawled into bed. He knew he would never forget the horrors he had witnessed that night, but he knew they were, for now, over. The Darkness may be inherently evil, but it was easily vanquished.

    He rolled over, smiling. Suddenly, he was thrust into a murky blackness. He yelped and say up. What could this trickery possibly be? The dim aurora of his night light returned, but weaker. With horror, The Child remembered that the bulb was dying, like the one in the kitchen, and his father was planning on going out and getting new bulbs the next day. The dull illumination continued for a minute, before slowly fading to nothingness.

    The Child was once more frozen in terror. The enemy from below had penetrated his sanctuary, and he was powerless. He knew where they resided during the night: In the closet, under his bed, and outside the window. However, without the protection of his night light, the monsters and demons were free to enter his room at their leisure!

    He threw himself under his blanket, wishing them away. All around him, The Darkness silently bellowed in triumph. The stillness was deafening. Peeking from under his covers, he peered into the inky nothingness. The faint glow of the city shone through his window, offering just enough phosphorescence to make out the certain...things.

    His closet was now open, but nothing moved. The Beast from The Darkness could be anywhere. But the most unsettling sight, what seized him with trepidation, was his window. Ever so slowly it raised, as if by it’s own volition, creeping upwards in defiance of the natural laws of gravity.

    The Child crawled back under his sheets, praying fervently to God. He’d never done so before, not without some adult making him do it. But the only thing in the whole universe with more concentrated power than the fear of a child is the One who created that child. The Child prayed for deliverance, and he heard a voice whisper to him.

    “The lamp. Use the lamp.”

    The Child knew this to be folly. More likely than not, this was the voice of one of the things under his bed. If he were to extend any part of his body past the edge of his bed, he knew they would grab him and pull the rest of him off and under into their lair. No, that was a lost cause. Only he could stop them.

    The one fortress he had was his bed. He scrunched in his body tight, and pulled in the blanket around him, creating a practically air-tight space for him to hide. He hoped that The Darkness would not be strong enough to remove these sheets. If it was, then he would be laying there helpless, with no veil between him and the jaws of death.

    Again the voice came to him, “Trust me. Use your lamp. I will protect you.” While The Child knew this to be pointless, he could not stand the suspense. Once more he peaked over the top of his covers. From the end of his bed, something was peeking back. Even in the near pitch black of his room, he could still make out the pasty white skin and ghastly glow of that pasty, pearly plaque.

    The creature that had assaulted his eyes from the bottom of the stairs was now at the edge of his bed. It grabbed the edge of his sheet, and began to tug. Try as he might, he knew it was too strong. Inch by inch, his castle began to disappear around him.

    “The lamp! Turn it one now!” The voice called, clearer than ever. Moved by desperation, the child extended his arm across the abyss that separated the edge of his bed from his bedside table. In what seemed like slow motion, his hand reached over to the lamp. It was a touch-sensitive lamp, which could be activated by a brush of the fingers. Looking down, he saw more tentacles reach up from under the bed, grasping blindly for his arm.

    He closed his eyes and strained his fingers, groping blindly for the base of the lamp. Success! The Child’s hand made contact, and the room exploded into brilliance. The tentacles retreated, and the closet door slammed. The disgusting wretch at the end of his bed threw back it’s head and let loose a moan more haunting than any noise The Child had ever heard, or would likely ever hear again.

    Burned by the light from the lamp, the thing lept out the window, and it fell shut in it's wake with a loud thud. And just like that, his room was still. Peace washed over him, and he closed his eyes, finally accepting the soft embrace of sleep.
                                                               
    A few hours later, he awoke to a soft rapping on his door. The Father called out, “Time to get up. Get ready for school!” a pause. “Can I come in?”

    “Sure, dad, sure.” The Child sat up, rubbing his eyes. As The Father stepped in, The Child let out a yawn. His dad grinned and said, “Up and at ‘em, big man.”

    “Sorry dad, I had a bad dream last night.”

    His dad snorted. “Is that what that racket was all about? We heard the window shut really loud. Were you sleep walking again?” The Child looked away.

    “I don’t wanna talk about it.” He scanned the room. The window was shut, and so was the closet. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and planted his feet on the floor. Nothing grabbed his ankle. He looked up at his father. “I’m ok now.”

    “Good. But son, when you come upstairs, please don’t run. Your mother and I are trying to sleep, and it’s very loud. And remember to turn of the lights next time, alright? You keep leaving them on all the time, and then we have to replace them."

    The Child sighed, "Yeah, I will."

The End

5 Things Atheists Do That Give Atheists A Bad Name (And Piss Me Off)

    Please, before you pass any judgement on what I say here, read my other article, "5 Things Christians Do That Annoy Non-Christians (And Me)." It will help clear things up a bit. 

    I wasn't going to going to even write this at first, but I realized that if I'm going to piss people off, I should piss off people from as many belief systems as possible. Next week I'll do "5 Things About Muslims That Make Me Think They're All Terrorists", followed by "5 Ways You Can Piss Off Mormons (In Public!)." 

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Also, something about Scientology and Hindus. Anything I missed?

    
     It then dawned on me that there are quite a few more things that annoy me about atheists than about Christians. Now, clearly I have a bias towards Christians, and I know way more Christians than atheists, but most of the atheists I know personally are just as kind and intelligent than many of my Christian friends. 
    
    Please try to remember, just as I was not implying in my last article that all Christians do those things, I am in no way saying that all atheists act in these ways either. 

    So, since most people just skip past these introduction parts anyway (I know I would), I'll get right to the heart of the issue: Things that atheists do that give other atheists a bad name, such as...

Number 5: "If Christians had their way, we'd be rounding up all the gays and putting them in concentration camps!"
    
    You may have heard of Pastor Charles L. Worley of North Carolina had to say about the homosexual community. Here's a video of him saying that we should put all the lesbians inside a giant fence, and all the "queers" in another. 

    By his logic, they would not be able to reproduce, and after awhile, they'd all die off! Oh happy day! Clearly, he believes that all the current lesbians and gays come from parents who are lesbian and gay, and have sex for no other reason than to pass on their homosexuality to the next generation. It's all part of the evil gay agenda. 
    
    You may have also heard of the Westboro Baptist Church, or WBC for short. You can visit their website here, but you probably don't want to. I did for all of one minute before I felt the urge to throw up. 

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Their PR guy killed himself after 3 days on the job.   

    Their slogan with which they gain the attention of the world is "God Hates Fags".  They believe America is doomed because it supports homosexuals. They picket military funerals because they believe that our soldiers died protecting a corrupt nation

    Yes, these guys are religious. No, they are not an example of what Christians are supposed to be like. Real Christians are loving and respectful, not hateful bigots. 

    "But Christians are usually the only ones apposed to gay marriage rights!" you might say. I suppose that's probably true, although I've never seen a poll to confirm or deny that fact. However, there's a crucial difference here that you have to understand.

    There is a difference between apposition and hatred. I appose gay mariage because I think the definition of marriage we have now works just fine, thank you very much. 

    However, I am not apposed to gay couples having the same legal status as a married straight couple. When it comes to taxes and property ownership and everything else, they should be treated the same. Just...don't call it marriage, because it isn't a marriage.

    If a large group of people wanted to change the definition of a kilogram from the mass of 1 cubic centimeter of water at 4 degrees Celsius to the mass of 1.25437 cubic centimeters of water at 5 degrees Celsius, we wouldn't throw out the International Prototype of the Kilogram and make a new one to accommodate  Nor would we even try to find a middle ground where everyone can have the same, slightly different kilogram.

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Just look at the intolerance

    As far as Christians (and other proponents of one man, one woman marriages) are concerned, the definition of marriage that we have is as set in stone as the definition of the kilogram is set in 90% platinum and 10% iridium. There is no practical or moral basis for reworking the definition. 

    So please, atheists, don't try to get on your moral high horses because you support gay rights and those hateful Christians don't. We don't hate, we just disagree. If you consider everyone who disagrees to be a "hater", then you're probably a 12 year old who thinks he's a gangsta. Or you're an idiot. 

Number 4: "Atheists support science, Christians don't. Therefore, Atheists are intellectually superior and Christians are all small minded."

    Nope.

    Seriously, just...no. YOU would have to be incredibly small minded to think that. Which is why a personal hero of mine, Bill Nye, disappointed me so much last year when he said this in an interview with Big Think.

    Big Think is a website that, "is an evolving roadmap to the best thinking on the planet — the ideas that can help you think flexibly and act decisively in a multivariate world." Whatever that means. 

    Don't get me wrong, it's an incredibly interesting site. There are lots of topics that are great for discussion, and some really great ideas put out by celebrities and average folks. However, Bill is convinced that the United States's religious majority is holding us back in the realm of science. 

    "Denial of evolution is unique to the United States." Not true. In every country you will find a portion of the population that does not believe in evolution. 

    "Evolution is the fundamental idea in all of life science, in all of biology. It's like, it's very much analogous to trying to do geology without believing in tectonic plates." Also not true. There is much more solid evidence for the existence of tectonic plates, namely, that we see their actions every day all around the world. We can track them and predict their movements. 

    "Once in a while I get people that claim they don't believe in evolution. And my response generally is, 'Well, why not? Really, why not? Your world just becomes fantastically complicated when you don't believe in evolution." 

    Really? From what I know, intelligent design (notice I'm not a proponent of Creationism, and if you don't know the difference, you're not qualified to give your opinion on the matter until you do) has much less complicated (read: believable) answers to things like Irreducible Complexity and missing links in evolutionary ancestry.  

    He goes on, as an example of evolution, "Here are different stars that are just like our star, but at a different point in our life cycle. The idea of deep time, of this billions of years, explains so much of the world around us."

    First off, Bill, those concepts and evolution are in no way inextricably linked. The universe is billions of years old, as is the earth, but that in no way makes evolution feasible. The chances of even basic life forming after billions of years is still less than 1 in 10 to the 40,000th, which to contrast, the number of seconds in 30 billion years is 10 to the 18th seconds. 

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"So that's, like, a lot of zeroes, right?"

"Right."

    Researcher and mathematician I. L. Cohen says, "Mathematically speaking, based on probability concepts, there is no possibility that Evolution was the mechanism that created the approximately 6,000,000 species of plants and animals we recognize today.”

    So you see, I'm not making this up, or blindly ignoring "facts" because I'm a Christian. There are plenty of Christians who believe in evolution. I would argue that it goes against what they believe about the nature of God, but they're still saved Christians. I don't not believe in evolution because of some religious expectation, I don't believe in it because I don't find it to make logical sense. 

    What I'm asking of atheists is that they don't try and act as though they have a monopoly on science. Science and religion are not mutually exclusive concepts. God is just as valid an explanation as anything else, as long as you don't presuppose Him to be the answer to whatever your searching for.

   So when you hear somebody say that the theory of Intelligent Design is not a legitimate theory, ask them why. If they say, "Because it assumes a God.", you'll know they have it backwards. According to their website, "The theory of intelligent design holds that certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as natural selection."

    So there is no presupposition of God at all. Instead, after reviewing the evidence, those who adhere to intelligent design theory have come to the logical conclusion that certain features of the universe lend evidence to there being a creator, but not any one in particular. 

    The theory gives no preference to Christianity, or Islam, or Judaism, or any other belief system. It's just science. 

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Like this, but with more math. Probably. 

    One last Bill Nye quote, the one that really grinds my gears. "And I say to the grownups, if you want to deny evolution and live in your world that's completely inconsistent with everything we observe in the universe, that's fine, but don't make your kids do it, because we need them. We need scientifically literate voters and taxpayers for the future. We need engineers that can build stuff, solve problems."

    Ok...what? There is som much wrong in so few sentences. Here we go...

    1. I don't disbelieve in evolution because of what my parents told me. I rejected everything I'd been told, but came back to it after doing quite a bit of searching. 

    I refused to be an indoctrinated child, simply spouting whatever adults told me to spout. I was 15. Many Christian kids reach their rebellious stage and become atheist. My rebellious stage made my faith stronger and made me a more knowledgeable person. 

    2. Scientifically literate voters and taxpayers? We have millions of voters and taxpayers who are hardly even regular literate! They vote based off of skin color or political party or best commercial. They should be more worrisome than some people who disagree on with you on an obviously controversial theory that has ultimately has no bearing on who they will elect or if they pay their taxes on time.

    3. Engineering has nothing to do with evolution, dipstick. Do you honestly think that everyone who doen't believe in evolution assumes that everything around them is made by God Himself. That they are so severely indoctrinated that they incapable of learning completely unrelated concepts like how a fulcrum works or geometry or a thousand other things required for engineering that don't involve evolution. 

    Christians are not idiots. We know how the world works. What is different between us and atheists is that we have a different understanding of eternity and morality and the origin of the universe and a few other things. None of these will hamper the progress of the nation in any way, I promise you.

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"Thank you Jesus, for sending your angels to lift my garage door into the air using angel magic. I pray that you keep me safe while driving as you always do, and that you continue to directly influence the wheels to move in the direction I indicate by rotating the steering wheel. That's another really cool trick. Amen"

Number 3: "Imagine no religion." or "All religions are the same."

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    This. The levels of ignorance and intolerance displayed in this image are staggering. As if the institution of "religion" had anything to do with the tragedy that occurred here. What it should say is "Imagine No Islam" or "Imagine No Evil", because "religion" was not behind the deaths of thousands. 

    According to Merriam Webster, a "religion" is "A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices." These acts of terrorism were carried out by individuals who subscribed to a particular religious belief. Their particular religion was what inspired them to do it.

    That does not mean you can simply scoop up all religions and place them in the same basket as radical Islam though. It shows that religious beliefs can be corrupted and can be used for evil, but it says nothing about religion in general. 

    Because in fact, there is no "religion in general", because all religious beliefs are contradictory. That's why I always get a laugh out of the Universalist Church. I myself am an ordained Universalist minister. It takes only a few minutes. 

    The reason Universalism, specifically Unitarian Universalism, is so funny is because it  tries to reconcile completely irreconcilable beliefs, and makes them all seem equal. However, all religions cannot be true.

    Why? Because there can only be one truth. Whatever isn't the truth is false, it's as simple as that. And all religions claim to have the truth. So which is it? Do we follow the teachings of the Bible, or of the Koran? Are we really spirits that will one day become gods of our own little planet as the Mormons believe, or are we spirits who have forgotten we are spirits and need to use Scientology to remember who they really are?

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Or maybe you are a follower of Kifflom 

    Also, religious people have done way more good than harm. In fact, I'd go so far as to say religious institutions have done more good than harm. 

    I know, it's popular to be down on religion right now. Even among young Christians, it seems everyone is denouncing organized religion and they're all about having their own personal relationship with God. 

    What I don't get is why people think that any denomination or church building is bad. Instead of blaming any organization or any one belief system, people should blame those within the system for using it for evil. 

    Organizations cannot be evil. Groups cannot be evil. Evil comes from the people within them. Even the Taliban wasn't always evil. The Taliban started as a resistance group against the Russians when they invaded Afghanistan. However, evil people corrupted it, and now the entire system has become a tool of hate and disgusting morals.

    My guess is that most people who lash out at religion in general are people who were once in a religious system in which they were wronged. Maybe they didn't fully understand it, or they were used by someone in the system, so they blame religion. Or God. Because if someone who claims to follow Jesus turns out to be a liar or a scoundrel, that means that God is dead and life is ultimately meaningless. Right?

    Not all religions are the same, and no religion is inherently bad. They're just wrong. Some, like Islam, have evil worked into them. However, there are millions of peaceful Muslims, meaning that it's not Islam we should despise, but those who use Islam as an excuse for the evil they practice. 

    You see, there can only be one ultimate truth about the universe. And that is what religion comes down to: A search for truth. Just like atheism, actually. Which is why my number two is...

Number 2: "Atheism is not a religion! It's an absence of religion."

    I have heard people say, "Atheism means 'non-religion.'" This of course is nonsense.

    Let's break apart the word, shall we? The prefix "A", meaning "not" or "against", followed by the word "theism", meaning a belief in a god. So atheism is...the belief that a god does not exist. 

    Atheism is the religious belief that there is no higher power in the universe, and that we must order our lives in such a way so that we get what we want out of our short time in life. Kinda depressing, but I can see it. If you earnestly believe there is no higher power governing your life, you can live life however you want. 

    You could choose to life for your legacy, with the goal of having your name and life remembered by others long after you're gone. You could live your life simply trying to find as much enjoyment as possible, by studying what you find fascinating and participating in what you find exciting. These are all fine goals.

    You could also make your one goal in life to make sure that all other religions know how stupid they are being by believing what they believe, because you are one of the lucky few who have been granted the infinite wisdom and knowledge to comprehend what the small minded religious majority cannot: That life is ultimately meaningless and that eventually the universe will collapse in upon itself and then everything ends. 

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Nothing cheers folks up quite like the thought that after a few decades of hard existence, it won't matter, because they'll be dead and they have no soul to carry on. That's what gets me through the day.

    Richard Dawkins, who is kinda the atheistic Gandhi, says that atheists should mock religious people with contempt, which, as we all know, is the greatest way to get people to agree with you. 

     This kind of militant atheism is exactly why I think atheism must be considered a religion. Remember, a religion does not necessarily involve a god in any way. A religion is "A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices." 

    Atheism is an institution dedicated to the social dismissal of all other religions, for what atheists believe would be the betterment of society. Most atheists don't have a problem with other people practicing their religions except for when it hampers progress, or what they see as progress.  

    Unfortunately, the atheist's version of progress, specifically social and scientific progress, often differs from that of a Christian. An atheist would see the legalization of gay marriage as progress, while a Christian (most of them, anyway) would not.  An atheist would see creationism and intelligent design theory being dismissed as progress, while a Christian most likely would not.

    This is the important part: We can have differences of opinion on these issues and still have progress. All it takes is some reasonable discussion, an open mind, and the ability to occasionally comprimise. We're not at war. We all want what is best for the world. 

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Besides, trying to argue with these people would be about as conductive to your cause as trying to teach cows evolutionary theory.

    Whether you are an atheist or a person of faith, remember that the truth of what you believe is always up to debate. Truth is solid, there is always only one truth; however, interpretations of truth are malleable. 

Number 1: "Hitler Was a Christian."

    SO. It's gonna be one of those arguments, huh?

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"Please. I can't...I mean, I don't...I mean...I just...no."

    If you're on the Internet enough, you've encountered Godwin's Law. You may not know, however, of the lesser known corollary of the law that states that if you resort to comparing anything to Hitler or the Nazi's, you automatically lose the debate.

    Don't go there. You'll let down your fellow atheists.

    In all seriousness though, this is ridiculous, unfounded, and low. Hitler used God's name to help ensure the respect of a mostly Christian people group. He most likely was not actually Christian in anything other than name. If he was, he was delusional as well as many other things, because no one in their right mind would think the Christian God would condone what he did.

    Pointing out the bad eggs who claimed to have practiced Christianity doesn't lend any credence to saying that Christianity itself is flawed in any way. Evil can be committed in the name of anyone or anything. Atheists hate it when it's pointed out that Stalin committed atrocities in the name of spreading the doctrine of the Communist party, which is as closely linked with atheism as people tend to think the Republican party is with Christianity.

    I guess trying to force this point is irrelevant anyway, because those that can see the irony of equating Hitler and Christianity while ignoring  Stalin and atheism, those are the folks who would never use this argument in the first place. Oh, and for the record? Hitler was not a Christian, even if he may have publicly used God's name to try and rally support. There's simply no evidence that he was.



    So please, if you're an atheist, try to use this advice to be civil around your Christian friends and family, because Lord knows thy are trying very hard to be civil around you.